How this party started
Another few days at Lake Balaton was supposed to be relaxing and enjoyable. The heat wave would not go away, and our apartment basically feels like we are about the get boiled in a minute. So it was bloody hot and I found a deal in a hotel with a huge lake in only a minute walk, that's what I call a good deal.. Coolness just around the corner. The hotel room was filled with spiders and mosquitos though, so that would be fun at night for sure. But maybe the fan above our heads would keep them away from my tasty blood, who'd tell, I could only hope for the best.
Vampire-ish bloodsucking monsters
After a surprisingly pretty good sleep at a horrible bed, I woke up with an itchy leg. Fuck those motherfuckers got me anyway! Looking at all these damn fine wounds that the bitch(es) provided me with, I can't conclude anything else than this mosquito bitch must be a damn chubby one after being done with me. So I woke up with these itchy legs, and not the little itch, no no, I mean an intense "I'll drive you crazy bitch - itsch!" Like you want to scratch the inside of your leg to get some relief. Those mofo's drank my blood, and it almost looked like something went right through my leg from one to the other side. Maybe it was a happy vampire couple trying to do some simultaneous sucking blood?If you look at that "beauty" above here, it seems like a vampire-isch thing, right? Not the kind of specie I prefer being close to, if it were up to me I'd zapp them all to their next life in a heartbeat.. But of course I didn't take "the zapper" with us, what a stupid mistake!
It got worse
The next morning another pair of wounds appeared on my other leg, but I must say the blood in my right leg must have been more tasty because that one was hit pretty hard. The little bumps turned into huge bumps and the itch was unbearable! I could not not scratch it was mission impossible, even if I would have had Tom Cruise's help here. No can do, I had to scratch! So it got worse and worse.. and it looks pretty horrible, even now after a few days! A cold cloth on it did not give any sense of relief, and I felt like going insane.
Today I decided to have a look online for relief
I mean there must be some "grandma says" advice from back in the days that should help, like when you search online for answers to your questions? I found a website with advice on insect bites/stings, and then shit got really weird. Of course everyone knows that wasps enjoy drinking your soda when it's that time of the year because they have a sweet "tooth" or basically they're junkies for sweetness that they won't produce anymore themselves at that time as the family is about to die. So they hunt our drinks, or us when we wear a sweet perfume. They need sweetness, and they need it NOW! But this was not about those motherfuckers that I hate even more, because whenever those are bothering me it looks like this:
The ten golden tips according to this article about insect bites
It's a Dutch article so I will just translate the ten great tips they've given me there, so I can finally make sure I will not get hit by an insect of any kind anymore...
- Avoid picnics and barbecues... Awesome let's miss all the fun during summer! Check, I will not appear on barbecues any longer from now on with the excuse because I don't want to get bitten by a mosquito. Everyone will definitely understand!
- Avoid surroundings where there are trash cans that contain fruit because wasps love it. Bitch, do you know how many trash cans there are only in this street when I walk out the door? How the hell am I supposed to do this? That's like mission im fucking possible again!
- Avoid physical exercise / work that will get you sweaty, because wasps love sweat. Well the work part is not that hard to avoid, but what do you do when outside is like 35 degrees and inside your apartment it's just as hot? I mean I will sweat, and there's nothing I can do about it at this point. Thinking about it, maybe I should just ly in the bath tub all summer filled with ice cold water in case I start sweating?
- This is one I can work with, if you need to cut hedges check for wasp nests. Ok, check I will not cut anyone's hedge this summer (I don't have one myself anyway). Thankfully there is something I can do to avoid getting bitten/stung..
- Avoid surrounding that have a lot of flowers. Well, I can't go to the nicest park in Budapest anymore then, about the only thing that's free of charge and fun for our daughter. I will just tell my boyfriend that I can't come in case there will be any bees or wasps. He'll totally understand!
- Don't wear bright coloured clothes / black cloths or clothes with flower motives on it, wear white, green or light brown because they are the least attractive for insects. Well, that I can try.. throwing away my granny dresses right away, damn it.
- Don't walk barefoot through grass because bees are very fond of daisy flowers and wasps can have a nest in the ground. Now I love being barefoot, I throw out my shoes the very first second I step inside the door, and when we go for a swim I don't wear them either.. So from now on I will just wear shoes if I'm going for a swim, because being barefoot sounds too dangerous for me from now on..
- Avoid deodorant and sunscreen because they attract bees and wasps. Well you've read it: go through life smelly and get yourself skin cancer because of the insects you can't I repeat you can't use sunscreen or deodorant anymore from now on. Just get yourself burned while they can smell you a few blocks away. Blame the insects, it's not your fault!
- Don't make sudden movements when there's a wasp on your body, and especially don't try to hit it when it's sitting there. Ok, remember the image above? Well, I can't remain calm I do panic because those things always need to be around me, and I do not want to be friends, they just won't get that! The sudden movements are made because everything inside me says: RUNNNNNN GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!
- Never kill a wasp near the nest, it will attract the others. Ok, I will look around before I kill one of them, if there is a chance that hundreds of others will be hunting me afterwards. No, that's a lie, I will just tell my boyfriend to kill it for me, while I get the hell out of there :)
So from now on I am safe as long as I follow the advise above
Maybe it will get me skin cancer instead, but hey I gotta make some sacrifices right? I hope this post was helpful for others too, because I am sure there are many more people like me that are always being targeted by insects. And with those ten golden tips you can make sure it will never happen again! Good luck and don't forget to wear shoes! Because barefootness is dangerous!
This round I nominate 
