Hello boy, damn you look good, you definitely got that from your mum and we can thank God for that, you're already making the right choices and I pray that guides you through life.
Its taken a while but I'm super excited you're here in my arms, you spent nine months in your mum but never forget who put you in there in the first place. I have spent many years in the bathroom, pulling out and using birth control pills with women but today, I look into your eyes and I feel nothing but joy, pride and honour for what my balls achieved.
Oh yeah, about when you were in your mum, sorry about the times you felt that sausage hit your head. For what its worth, it was your mum's idea but I have to say, you have a pretty strong head. You definitely got that from me.
You're not just my son, you're my sun. You're a bright spark, the reason for my existence. You're the embodiment of everything good in me, actually you're literally the embodiment of the goods that flowed through me and into your mum. Speaking of mum, you're probably going to think she's weird, don't worry about it. She was actually dropped on her head when she was born and never recovered, she married me so you can tell she's got real issues.
I've never seen an angel before but looking at you, I feel like I've come close. Your tiny hands are in mine and your head rests on my lap, you smile and look at me then immediately shut your eyes to sleep again. I love you like I love my balls.
Yours Truly, Dad
