Cryptogee Investigates: Who Is The Real @berniesanders?

Hive account@berniesanders a.k.a. Sir Bernie of the Butthurt a.k.a General Buttwink, is our very own Dear Leader, Steemit's tin pot dictator who throws his weight around by flagging random accounts, or anyone who talks to those accounts, in other words he is a pathetic bully.

The thing is, he has multiple accounts, some say hundreds, some say thousands, the truth is probably in the dozens however nobody knows for sure.

So today I thought we could have a little fun and try and work out who the real Sir butthurt is . . .

Hive account@haejin

It was during the legendary #butthurtwars that Sir Bernie of the Butthurt was created. He was engaged in an epic clash with Hive account@haejin as both of them fired their mighty flags at each other, bitterness, sniping, and reward pool rape accusations were abound.

Sir Butthurt lost this war (hence his butt hurt), and he retreated back to his cave in the Himalayas to lick his wounds.

However one of the classic tactics of war is to use disinformation to confuse the enemy. Plus of course Sir Butthurt does display the same traits as a paranoid schizophrenic so there is some chance that Hive account@berniesanders and Hive account@haejin are one of the same.

Probability 29%

Hive account@themarkymark

As with Hive account@haejin His Royal Butthurtness has clashed publicly with Hive account@themarkymark though nowhere near the level of the #butthurtwars.

I like this hypothesis because Hive account@themarkymark seems like a reasonable and rational human being, and so perhaps he represents the sane side of General Butthurt.

Probability 8.5%

Hive account@ned

The Prince himself Hive account@ned, the custodian of the citadel of Steemit has seemingly ridden off into the sunset but in reality is still pulling the strings from the shadows.

Lord Buttwink and Prince Hive account@ned had their clashes in the early days of the citadel. The Butthurt One decided to try and take on the Prince, however he was crushed to a -6 reputation. Only some serious behind the scenes grovelling and some good old fashioned fellatio was able to lift the curse of the Hive account@ned flag.

There is no doubt that the Prince is aloof and rules over his kingdom with a haughty air of disdain, perhaps Hive account@berniesanders was created so that he could better mingle with the peasants.

Probability 56%

Bernie Sanders

Let's go off Steemit into the land of the real and look at the failed 2016 Democratic American Presidential nominee Bernie Sanders.

For some reason Lord Butthurt decided to use the same name as the 72 year old Democrat, perhaps then this is Bernie's way to get in touch with 'da yoof' by getting into this crypto lark.

However Bernie also comes across as a rational, kind and deeply conscientious human being, which clearly rules out Sir Bernie of the Butthurt.

Probability 2%

Kim Jong-Un

The brutal dictatorial leader of North Korea definitely fits the bill. He wears platform shoes, sports a silly haircut and has a propensity for crushing his enemies and feeding family members to the dogs.

However internet connections are notoriously slow in North Korea, and his grasp of the English language isn't great. Hmm, then again neither is Sir Butthurt's.

Probability 74%

Donald Trump

Everything points to Lord Butthurt's real persona being the 45th President of the United States of America Donald J. Trump.

Think about it. He is prone to irrational and childish outbursts, has a limited vocabulary, does not make sense very often, is not above having petty online arguments, and the term delusions of grandeur could have been made up for him alone.

On top of that he gets to trash the name of the real Bernie Sanders, win-win!!

Probability 99.99999999999%

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS, IN MY OPINION @BERNIESANDERS A.K.A. LORD BUTTHURT A.K.A SIR BERN OF THE BUTTHURT A.K.A. GENERAL BUTTWINK IS IN FACT THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT. HOWEVER I'M PREPARED TO BE WRONG, WHO DO YOU THINK HE IS?

AS EVER, LET ME KNOW BELOW!

The Butthurt Chronicles

The Butthurt Wars - Haejin Vs Bernie - Who Won?

Butthurt Bernie: How To Be A Dictator

Butthurt Bernie: Join The Shoes-For-A-Dictator Appeal And Save An Ego!

Sir Bernie Of The Butthurt Still Firing Shots In The #Butthurtwars

Cryptogee