Hey friends! Beautiful day to you! This is the third edition of my Funny African Customs Series where I highlight for your reading pleasure/pressure some funny African customs.
I had spoken about Africa and her customs in the beginning of the series, saying:
Africa is a vast continent with very many different peoples, ethnic groups, languages and very different cultures. The cultural diversity is really striking if you decide to take a look at it, and these cultures are so numerous and varying that you'll surely be thrilled!
I never really agree when I hear generalizations about Africa's customs, because Africa is really diversified. One general description or perception can hardly ever fit as the variance is overwhelming.
The ways of the little Village next to yours can be so different from the ways of your own people even when the proximity is similar to that between two teeth in your mouth! Even the languages can be very different when they are but two neighboring villages as close as two nuts in the same shell.
Did you know there is even a Village in Cross River State of Nigeria, where the male folks have a different language from the female folks? But they're all in the same village? And inter-marrying and inter-you-know-what (wink) in the same village?
How do they communicate, you ask? Well, that would be covered by some other story on some other day.
šš But you see it right there, huh? The cultural diversity of Africa.
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Now, this is a series where I'll be telling you all (everyone of y'all) about funny African Customs. This series is not going to be based on information I gathered from the net or something, they're going to be based on things and customs I experience(d) in the course of my life as an African living in Africa. All original and never before published.
Today's edition is about three African Names of Igbo origin that should not have been allowed to exist together in first place!
Igbo is a tribe in the South Eastern part of Nigeria the language is also called Igbo. There:
So here are the three names that shouldn't exist together, they are: "Agu", "Ogbuagu" and "Otagburuagu". Agu means "Lion", Ogbuagu means "Killer of lion" and Otagburuagu means "One who kills a lion by biting and chewing it" (Cold hearted stuff). These are people's names, folks! People actually bear these names in this country, and you might wonder how it actually works when you look at it like this: how does a man whose name is "Lion" feel when he meets another man whose name is "Killer of Lion"?
Like:
"Hello, my name is Lion" Smiles and outstretches hand for a handshake.
"Oh, nice to meet you, my name is Killer of Lion" Shakes him.
Or worse still:
"Hello, my name is Lion" Smiles and outstretches hand for a handshake.
"Oh, nice to meet you, I am 'One who kills a lion by biting and chewing it'" Shakes him smiling as sweat suddenly fills Mr Lion's whole body and his smile transforms into horror.
Or let's look at a situation where new neighbours just moved into Mr. Lion's neighbourhood and Mr. Lion goes to meet them for the first time. Smiling, he says:
"Hello, I see you've just moved into the neighbourhood. I'm your next door neighbour, Mr. Lion, I live here with my family the Lions. What is your name?"
"Ah, nice to meet you, I am 'One who kills a lion by biting and chewing it', yes I just moved into the neighborhood with my family the 'ones who kill lions by biting and chewing them', we're looking forward to having a good time with you and your family as our next door neighbors"
Of course, just as you imagine it would become more difficult for Mr. Lion to maintain his smile, he would shake hands and go back to his house in deep moody thoughts. How would Mr. Lion even sleep well that night? And the next morning he and his family:
They move out.
Source
But you see, there's one advantage about these names people bear in Nigeria, it makes law enforcement very much easier for the police and give us an edge over other countries. For example:
A MAN HAS JUST BEEN MURDERED
....
IN AMERICA the cops would have to investigate and investigate thoroughly to find the killer and bring him to justice, same with other countries.
BUT IN NIGERIA
The police officer walks to and fro the crime scene with some swagger, his hands behind him, he's deep in thoughts.
Enter man.
MAN: Good day officer, I'm Mr. Ogbuagu, friend of the deceased.
POLICEMAN: Good, so what was the deceased name?
MAN: Agu.
POLICEMAN: Really? (Wicked smile) And what did you say your name was again?
MAN: Ogbuagu
POLICEMAN: Isn't that an Igbo name meaning "Killer of Agu"?
MAN: But Sir..
POLICEMAN: Seargent! Arrest this Man!
And that's it! Murder solved. Very simply.
