This is my entry for Comedy Open Mic Round 29.

I have multiple custom tools I use to detect and find spam. During a sweep, I came across the account Hive account@smidge-tv and after a manual review of the account, I decided to blacklist it.

What followed is quite entertaining and I think makes a great Comedy Open Mic entry.

It all starts here on a post where Hive account@smidge-tv shares a YouTube video (mostly all it does, 2-31 times a day).

I am sure you have all seen my badcontent bot that comments on users who are on my blacklist.

4 days ago Hive account@smidge-tv responds

At this point, I felt it was worth of popcorn, and decided to call my !popcorn bot to give me a random popcorn eating gif. This is the start of some drama, and where there is drama, there is popcorn. (At least there should be!)

Quick to deliver, Hive account@popcornexpress delivered with grace.

This angered Hive account@smidge-tv, to which he responded. I'm not sure if it is big mad or small mad at this point.

At this point, I know I was dealing with a simple mind and a delicate constitution. Shortly later I received this response, and at this point, I knew it was going to be exciting.

At this point, I was leaving it in his court, see where it would go.

Oh man, we got a lot of material to work with here, and I took no hesitation to respond. I really needed to know, did I need to buy a suit?

At this point Hive account@whatsup responded, I know she is no stranger to drama.

It is true, I know a lot of lawyers, in fact prior to moving my lawyer lived 5 houses down, and in our new house, a lawyer lives directly in front of our house. I have also started and settled some class action lawsuits successfully and sued a rather large company for over $100K in damages. I'm no stranger to lawsuits, nor am I afraid of one because I blacklisted and flagged a spammer. The countersuit would more than make it worthwhile, but we all know there is no lawyer, the Internet is filled with keyboard warriors and empty threats.

I tried to throw an olive branch, enjoy some !pancakes and I'd even share maple syrup with him. I am not from Canada, but I am sure they would be proud. The fact that I got Haiku botted just makes it all the better.

They were delicious though.

At this point, I wonder if he is from Canada, being all considerate and such to my interests. Here is going to sue me for millions because I flagged him around $1 yet he is very concerned about my interests. Surely, he is from Canada. Although he didn't say Sorry at the end of every sentence, so possibly not.

Hive account@meno stopped by to give his insight, which I found helpful.

Well,
now Hive account@meno is the one stepping up the trolling. He even went so far to start talking to me in Tamil (thank goodness for Google translate).

While I doubt it fooled anyone, I decided to play along with it.

At this point, I am in a holding pattern waiting for the papers. In the meantime, enjoy some !pancakes and !popcorn.

Update

Heard back from smidge-tv, guess I won't need a suit for a bit.

Update #2

Apparently !popcorn bot is going to jail.

I nominate Hive account@meno and Hive account@smige-tv for next week's Comedy Open Mic.