LANGUAGE AND COMMUNICATION DEFINE WHO YOU ARE. THEY ALSO SHAPE AND CREATE THE ENVIRONMENT IN WHICH THEY ARE USED AND ARE LARGELY RESPONSIBLE FOR SUCCESS OR FAILURE. BEYOND YOUR ESSENTIAL POSSESSIONS OF QUALIFICATIONS, SKILLS AND EDUCATION, LANGUAGE AND COMMUNICATION ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT TOOLS OF YOUR LIFE.
THROUGH THIS SERIES, I WILL PRESENT TO YOU WHAT I HAVE LEARNED THROUGH LIFE AND RESEARCH SO I MAY IMPROVE MYSELF AND I HOPE IT IMPROVES YOUR LIFE.
THE ART OF LISTENING
Hearing something is not always listening. Hearing is an involuntary act and listening is intentional. The difference is enormous. In personal communications, it means the difference between success and failure.
When someone's talking to you or trying to communicate with you, the words are only part of their communication. The body language, their eyes, their tone, speed of speech and spaces between the words and sentences all carry a meaning. Thus it is a very difficult art to master but luckily if you are not an FBI agent, you need a slightly more simpler understanding to succeed at it. Success in listening is success in relationships, in negotiations and in getting ahead in life.
When I am in an argument with my wife, although a rare instance, when I'm hearing her, very often I am focusing on certain things that she had said and my brain is going ha ha got you there I have an answer for that. Your brain in most situations will start preparing responses to what you're hearing. If you can get away from that and focus, really focus on understanding the meaning behind the words then you will succeed.
Words are limiting and cannot completely convey the meaning and emotions of what one is trying to say. Suppose you just have arrived home from work and your partner at home angrily puts away something remarking how he or she forgot to put it back in the first place, you may want to listen not only to the words also to the behavior and also to the thoughts in the head of that person. Try to tune in to their frequency, and will find out something else is behind the anger. They may have a bad day at work or don't like the car repeat bill or whatever. True listening is the actual understanding of the situation gleaned through focus on words and all accompanying non verbal communication. Once I was a democrat then I was a libertarian and now I'm not sure what I am. I was a good man back then and I'm a good man now. Imagine if the politicians actually listened. I wonder if people can just realize that no one is listening to them what might happen. You realize how distant the politicians have become from their constituents. It is because they lack the ability or desire to listen to you. Just as you feel detached from them, you will detach anyone talking to you if you stop listening and start hearing. The way to build life lasting relationships is to listen to the words and the silence. We all have friendships and relationships that in time grow to a point where very few words have to be spoken for the partner to understand. As you read through this close your eyes for a moment and think of a lost relationship. For most, you will think that things would been better only if the person understood and listened to you.
HOW TO LISTEN BETTERis something you will need to practice. When someone is talking to you free your mind of the responses that will come Into your head. Words are so limiting that the speaker is usually trying to convey something deeper and different than can be expressed through words alone. When someone tells you they love you so much you really want to understand what they're trying to say. You have said something or you have done something or you have been a certain way to make the other person feel Love for you. Understand why he or she said it so you can understand them better and know what makes them happy so you can continue with a lasting relationship. That is listening.
Lean forward ever so slightly into the speaker.
Make eye contact frequently
Gestures, such as nodding, smiling, eyebrow movement are all important. Learn these gestures. Wish I could post all that here. You can easily find these techniques online. Take time to practice them a little.
The next part is very important. We give negative vibes and display negative gestures that we are not aware of. Shoulder shrugging, shifts in posture, turning of the corners of your mouth, averting eye contact are all issues that you will need to realize and correct. Get to know yourself first.
Interrupting someone in middle of the sentence, speaking much faster than they are, speaking louder than they are are failures in communication. Fix these issues. Just sit back, relax and listen. Most people actually do not want anything more from you than just that.
Alright guys, this one can get very long. Enough for now and this should be enough for ever because just to achieve this is not easy. Make good friends, love your partner(s) and enjoy your families.
Just remember, we all think we make our point and an impression by talking. Do listening mostly and you will realize you were wrong. Tie this concept in with my first post is this series of choosing proper words when you must speak.