“Tomorrow we are getting up early! We will remember my father on the 10th anniversary of his death, so we are giving dane at a home for elderly men. The women of our family have been cooking the meals since this morning. You are coming too, aren’t you?” Nishantha, the best friend of our family and consistent member of my welcome team, asks me. His eyes shine mischievously, but the invitation is irrefusable.
I quickly fall in line. Early the next morning, I’m helping the women in the kitchen, then we go together to the home’s own temple which is so small that many of us participate in the ceremony standing in the courtyard for more than an hour. The principal, well on in years himself, talks about the importance of helping each other and respecting our elders, then he starts quoting relevant parts of the holy verses. Everyone speaks in sync along with him which they had learned by heart as children. Even the long parts of the teachings are etched in their heads, as they have been using this guidance in real-life situations since they first heard it.
After the ceremony, we serve the food. The old men are sitting around the kitchen tables eating, and the weaker folks have it brought to their beds.
“The Home sustains itself from donations, we don’t lack what we need,” the leader boosts. “Every week we have a dane here. The home holds thirty people, which is ideal for donations; a smaller one would be poor, a bigger too demanding.”
The two institutions of giving; the dane that is a memorial, and the bane that is a mere donation, are so common that you run into it every week. Their tradition requires that for each family member who has passed away, they have to make a dane. So they must invite monks, pray and to feed the village or the needy on three specific times; three days, three months and two years after the death. All further danes are based on the families’ decision.
Bane is usually a kind of donation with little fuss and is the most common and easiest way to strengthen good conscience. On the roads we often encounter such banes, in most cases it is nothing more than offering tea, bananas or biscuits for passersby.
Charity is part of social responsibility that penetrates the whole community on all levels. However little money we have at home, Ayanthi always finds twenty-rupees somewhere as the daily donation collector calls in. For a sick child, an unfortunate relative, or anyone in need, people often turn to the community’s aid, and never in vain.
In the middle of April, when Sinhalese New Year starts, every gem trader with self-respect shows their generosity and social responsibility, literally at their front door. Some give ice-cream, some give meals, there is even one who gives a thousand rupees to everyone who stands in the queue. Our three sons, along with two close friends, buy the same shirts from it, so both sides of the gesture represent belonging.
Their father Sunil sets off too, he has to take care of his team. Good fortune hasn’t smiled on them for a long time, so he goes to see one of the rich merchandisers. He politely says thanks to the offered five thousand rupees, but replies frankly, “Sir, there are five members in my kattie and we haven’t found any gems for a while. Now, that New Year is coming, every family is in need.” The patron puts his hand into his pocket and gives the same amount to each member. Now they don’t have to fear starting the New Year hungry.
This mutual responsibility is part of the gem-miner tradition as well. Most than likely, miners didn’t have luck every day in ancient times either. How on earth could mining have survived for more than three thousand years if they wouldn’t have helped each other during hard times?
In the last two decades banks and bank loans have emerged. Facebook has injected itself in here as well, which needs a mobile phone and a network to support it. These don’t thrive on mutual responsibility and tolerance. Values, and life with them, have been changing. However, dane and bane still endure, and people care about their community and its values.
Globalization has brought new possibilities and connections as well, like our encounter which can give life to many other new beginnings. As Serendib Gem Jewels integrate modern and ancient, South and North, so is the project, as a personal solution to find a win-win-win situation whatever mainstream may be.