I know a lot about comparing ourselves to others and what that does to us – both the positive and the negative effects — because I’ve engaged in comparison more times than I can count. Once I began training as a marriage and family therapist, I learned to expand my awareness of my thoughts and feelings, and through that process, I saw much more clearly when and how comparison has enlivened me, and also where it’s made me feel awful – jealous, resentful, and “less than.”
Now, working with women and men to build happier, more rewarding lives and careers, I’m seeing even more clearly how the act of comparing ourselves to others can be motivating, and when it can backfire and become damaging and self-destructive.
As I’ve written more about this, some people have said, “No, Kathy, you’re wrong. Comparison is always very helpful.” Sometimes it is, but often it's not. There are many people around us (you know who they are) who obsessively engage in comparison, and it makes them sad, sick and depressed, and separates them from others and from joy.