and tonight I notice my votes are worth .07 SBD...
Great... now I'm conflicted! I can either keep posting things that I like and upvoting my own content and my comments on other people's posts and maybe in a couple more months I'll be worth .14 SBD or more per vote... but I'm impatient. I don't like waiting for things to happen the way I want them to. Am I just getting excited again and jumping ship on something that could be beneficial to my family as time goes on? As of right now I'll be collecting about $100 a week if I let the power down run. But what if the value of STEEM/SBD tanks? I guess it's just "free" money anyway, right? Right?
In a sense this conflict is just an extension of my internal dialogue that I've developed. I was always a bit of an outcast when I was younger and it probably affected me negatively in my adult decision making. I'm always really unsure even though I try to project confidence...
As a side bit of a comment, I've gone around calling myself a hobbit for a long time since I'm short with big hairy feet and I eat a lot. I've always said I'd want to be Samwise. My middle name is already Samuel so I'm already Sam. However, when I think about the way my attitude is, I'm really more like Smeagol/Gollum. Seriously though, at times I'm all relaxed, happy-go-lucky just carrying on with life...
but then I'll get fed up with things being difficult, and climbing in to myself and straight-up pushing people away...
My wife also likens me to Winnie the Poo a lot. She sees me living out the "oh bother" nonchalance attitude about difficult things, but internally I'm really more of a Piglet or maybe even Eeyore...
I don't know... this is more of a ramble than looking to post any real content. I just like to write sometimes since I don't really have anyone to confide in like this. My wife is my best friend and knows me, so sometimes talking to her about this kind of stuff is more like just talking to the mirror, so I felt the need to vent a little. Sorry.
TL;DR I'm internally conflicted about my desire to write and my desire for a stress-free life and I could justify using Steemit for both sides of the issue, but I think I see the pressures of watching for the upvotes as more dangerous for my self-esteem than the value of the upvotes I receive.