Oprah Winfrey has a superpower. For over 30 years, people who speak to her have not been able to help but to open up, sometimes crying, expressing joy, or just showing the most vulnerable parts of themselves. That ability propelled Oprah to a net worth of four billion dollars not to mention launching books to the top of the bestsellers list and Dr Phil’s television career. So in this article, we are going to explore how and why Oprah is the best connector that I have ever covered on this channel. And you’re gonna learn how to live so that people will naturally find themselves opening up and connecting with you.
First off, Oprah sets the stage to connect literally. Unlike many other TV show hosts, she is famous for walking the aisles of her studio audience and for sitting on the same couch as her guests. Later on, she would actually go into their homes for personal interviews. The lack of physical barriers, such as a desk, tends to make two people feel more connected.
That’s why you are more likely to find a spark on a first date if you sit adjacent to your date rather than being separated by a table. And it’s also why people who don’t feel comfortable will subconsciously block the other person by crossing their legs or by placing an object in between them.
In Oprah’s case, the lack of barriers enables both a sense of being emotionally connected as well as an opportunity to connect physically via touch. With Oprah, you’re gonna see high-fives, hand squeezes, walking arm-in-arm, and hugs but to really grasp how important touch is to her style of communication, you have to see it in context.
It’s doubly unfortunate that there are so many cases of unwanted sexual touching coming up in the news and in our culture nowadays. It’s obviously fantastic that we’re eliminating that but an unfortunate side effect is that these platonic touches are getting lost. And these are things that truly help to connect to people. It’s part of why people can open up so quickly and so comfortably with Oprah.
You may have also noticed something else that does that which is how strong Oprah’s eye contact is; she is completely comfortable with intimacy and prolonged eye contact. In her interviews, you can see Oprah squinting and furrowing her brow, which shows the other person that she is actively listening to what they are saying.
But these aren’t necessarily charisma tactics to just be used. This is the result of what happens when you are truly present in trying to understand someone. When you’re on the flip side receiving someone’s full attention it feels absolutely incredible.
To drive this point home and make the other person feel even better, Oprah will often listen and then summarize what the other person has just said. Because of the intensity of Oprah’s full focus, her guests often feel that she gets them at a deep level. They feel connected to her in some way like they share a common life understanding.
Now, Oprah doesn’t just imply these connections and commonalities with her body language. She straight up calls them out with her guests as she sees them. This small thing is much more significant than it may sound.
In his book Influence, Robert Chiellini discusses how feeling similar to someone is one of the six most powerful factors in persuasion. It puts two people in sync allowing for pacing and leading which we’ve discussed in other videos that I’m going to link to in the description below. Now, two people who are in sync may breathe at the same pace — they might move in the same way — but the easiest way to spot it is if they can finish each other’s sentences. Oprah hits this phase blindingly fast with many of her guests. She gets energy from people.
All of what we’ve discussed up until now is very useful. But what makes Oprah truly exceptional at connecting is her philosophy — that the most important thing to uncover in an interaction is what moves people emotionally. She didn’t get famous discussing politics or by doing goofy skits. She got famous by exploring what made her guests feel feelings and that’s why you often hear her ask questions like these — What’s the most difficult decision you’ve had to make to fulfil your destiny? How would you describe your childhood? How did you manage to pull the pieces of yourself together? You’ll notice that these questions aren’t small talk or banter.
They have to do with hardship, with family, with the things we don’t want to tell people about ourselves because we’re afraid of how vulnerable, raw, and emotional they make us. But family, hardship, our dreams, the things that we’re ashamed of — these are the things that often define who we are at our core. The things she says like: When did you first realize you have this power just to make people cry? Go on. Give me your best, okay? Unleash the power. Every father has a dream for his children— Oh, shut up. What is the dream that you hold in your heart? I just want..
It just feels like this every day…
This scenario isn’t unique to Oprah; she’s been bringing people to tears her whole career. And it’s this ability to get to someone’s emotional core that really did make her famous. And if you apply what you’ve learned so far, you’re gonna be able to get people to open up to a deep connection that will bond you to for a long time. But there is one final and very critical point — when people do get emotionally real, when they cry, they get excited…
Whatever it is, Oprah doesn’t try to defuse that tension she leans into it; she allows her guests to express themselves fully. And so many of us unfortunately do the opposite. Someone cries if we Pat them uncomfortably saying, “There, there,” hoping that they will stop or they get excited and we redirect the conversation because their enthusiasm doesn’t fit our current mood. Oprah can connect with people so brilliantly because she not only encourages them to open up, she also validates them when they do.
She’s empathetic enough to go there emotionally with them; she shares in their joy or their pain. Such as - Have you been sober since? Yes, I have. Hello. Let’s celebrate that. That’s where you are right now. Look at how great that is. Wow. It makes me cry too. It makes me cry too. I know, I know. It’s beautiful. Why am I crying on Oprah?-
In short, people feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable and open up to Oprah because she will go there too. In fact, she went there first; early in her talk-show career, she revealed the sexual abuse that she suffered as a nine-year-old not to mention a whole slew of other personal struggles that I wasn’t even aware of as someone who didn’t watch her talk show as a kid. And it was her openness that paved the way for others to do the same when they came on her show so if you want to connect with someone deeply to get them to open up past the surface level small-talk, you have to be fascinated by what moves them emotionally. You have to focus primarily on what you share rather than on how you differ and you have to be willing to open yourself up so that others feel safe doing the same with you. That’s what made Oprah the biggest talk show star ever.
As found on Youtube
