The observations have been setting in well. Really detaching from myself and holding space to feel and watch, no judgement.
I recently attended Anarchapulco in Acapulco, Mexico. Among the many powerful speeches one has been lingering the most. It was about the accessibility of infinite happiness ** I want to note that I don't believe we can or should be in the emotional state of happiness indefinably. Our emotions should be free flowing. Ying and yang. Darkness and light. ** During this speech, I was told to imagine one of the most joyful moments of my life. Was it a setting ? I took myself to the most beautiful sunset in phi phi island, Thailand. Close but Ive felt more love then this. Was it the times after I floated where I felt most connected to source? That felt powerful, but not the feeling I was yearning for. Then a sudden image of Zoey, my sweetest pup, came into my mind. She is unconditional love. Her face opens my heart and there I was sitting with my eyes closed, blissful, loving, happy. I opened my eyes. Boom! I got the point of his small practice.. - REALIZATION - I generated this feeling, the bliss itself was created by me, inside of me. No one else.I/ME.
Fast forward a week later I'm walking down the cobble stone streets of Antigua in Gautemala. I started feeling this immense joy again. This time I was fully aware that I was generating it. I was creating this blissful energy, no one else. I. - I started becoming familiar with this energy ** it almost feels like a orb of white light in my chest, around my heart chakra. I can feel it begin to form and choose to give it the energy to take over my entire body. ** I started to practice activating this energy. I started playing with it, expanding and contracting it. Then it hit me. My entire life I was assuming that other people were the cause of my emotional energy fluctuations, from bliss to sadness, when in reality I AM THE CREATOR. These emotions are coming from INSIDE me. ** I want to restate the importance of how these emotions are created, stored, generated, felt all INSIDE me ( or inside you), not from the outside of us at all** I am the only one giving the energy to expand and contract which ever emotion surfaces. WOW! Its liberating to find this awareness. I felt freedom from emotional chains, and outside baggage. I am allowed to feel sadness without it swallowing my soul. People/situations can upset me, but I have the power to let it pass through. I can dance, sing, and love so deeply and then simply let it go knowing that IT WILL RETURN because it was created from me. ** Trying to hold on to happiness and lingering in sadness both are very destructive for me so understanding this is fucking beautiful **
No way shape or form am I saying I am fully under complete control of my emotions, however, I do feel way more stable then even 6 months ago. I acknowledge I am a work in progress. I really am proud of where I have come in my journey and how far I have come in understanding my feelers ;) They are beautiful and awakening to this practice excites me for what is to come.
The speech, I believe, was Immediate Happiness by Anil Gupta
(I have not read his book yet)