When I first got introduced to the real extent of the corruption and propaganda I had been subjected too and started uncovering the outrageous deception behind 9/11, JFK and other similar topics it shocked me to the core, as I am sure it did most of us. It was indeed a traumatizing event where the feeling is as if the ground has been swept from under your feet and you are now floating in thin air with nothing to hold on too. So many of the ideas I had taken for granted had been shattered. People who's intellect and judgment I had trusted and respected including parents, teachers as well as authors and political figures had been proven to be absolutely wrong. I also remember being terrified. Specifically speaking this was after I'd been gradually realizing the deceptions that led to the war in Iraq and then watched a three hour documentary called "confronting the evidence". It was a DVD that had been handed to me by an activist in the street. I was terrified at the power of a beast that not only can and will commit such an atrocity but that can to so while simultaneously convincing seemingly the entire world that someone else had done it. How could such a force be defeated?
I also knew that I was too stubborn to let it go or pretend I didn't know or care about this. So I knew I would start speaking out and the thought of that was also scary. I enjoyed substantial popularity at the time. I was just coming out of college (or the 16-20 ish age) where I had participated and done really well in debating, which is surprisingly popular in Icelandic schools. At 15 I had a nr.1 hit in the country and I was just generally enjoying social life and partying with a lot of positive attention. I understoud then that this would put this status in jeopardy.
It was never a doubt in my mind that this fear would stop me, but the awareness of it was there. However, what motivated me even further was the deeper fear that the people responsible for the attacks and the subsequent cover up and deception was far more dangerous. This was something so evil that it had to be resisted. Even if the odds against exposing this felt overwhelming at the time. This was only 4 years after the attacks and 2 years into the ongoing war in Iraq. People were very sensitive to this type of talk and it was almost like you were declaring yourself an enemy or a terrorist by refusing to accept the official story.
I experienced a lot of backlash but I had enough good friends that I was mostly able to weather the storm. Later I would start a website focused on many of these issues. I took time off work and what I had felt that night, the urgency of stopping this evil that I had seen with my own eyes, even though most people didn't believe it even existed. You could draw a parallel to Game of Thrones, those who have seen will get the reference so there is no need for potential spoilers for those who haven't. This was now the primary focus of my daily activities. I kept making music as well but now the focus of the music was starting to be on this as well. I wrote articles discrediting war propaganda on Libya (Yes, I'm saying that it's all lies) as well as Syria and investigating these topic was extremely heavy on the heart. It also created some fairly justified paranoia. Running a website such as the one I was running during these perilous time of war and deceit, reading and writing about others who have been killed off and it made to look like accident. It wasn't crippling but it was an uncomfortable part of being so heavily involved in this. It is very understandable that many humans have a strong psychological avertion to accepting this reality when the alternative to complacancy is accepting such a huge burden on your conscience. To see it as your duty to spread this information to anyone who will listen at any time. And that is what I did, I was relentless. I believed that I was making a difference and to this day I'm certain that I did. People who tell you you can't change anything are missing the point. You can't not change anything. Everything you do resonates and will affect the future.
I believe every person I "converted" to the cause would be a potential future ally. Every article I wrote that might potentially sway the right person and this could have a positive domino effect that could lead to the type of revolution we are looking forward to.
Eventually it became too much. I became exhausted and drained. Dejected and genuinely pessimistic. I hadn't seen the progress I had hoped for in the time that had passed, after maybe 8 years of devoting so much time and energy to this. The media was still brainwashing people like always and most people still seemed vulnerable to it.
Now, a more positive way to look at things is that even though the type of changes we are hoping for still haven't materialized yet, neither have some of the worst prophecies of totalitarian dictatorship. The human spirit is strong and it continues to fight for the preservation of what we know to be good and sacred.
I feel still that while we should all feel a sense of urgency on these matters we should also focus on doing this without upsetting our lives too much. We need to think of our own survival and getting by in this world. However, we should try our very best to ALWAYS make little moves. Make new allies and converts. Do little things. Don't be afraid of small things like somebody's opinion of you which really has no significance in the great scheme of things. This is a force of evil but there are ways to defeat it. And we must aim to do so while maintaining and preserving our own well being. As long as we keep making smart moves and continue to expose them every way we can there plans can not go forward. When we keep working on new solutions, new types of media, new types of currency, voting systems, energy and other types of solution we are the ones on the march towards a new world. And it is not the ones the sick people behind all these horrific events in history have envisioned. I am at least growing more and more optimistic of this recently.