Life, they say, is always a struggle over the things we can and cannot control. The Stoics have made it their philosophy to focus solely on matters that they can control. Believers of a higher being have what they call the serenity prayer to plead for serenity to act on things that can’t be changed, courage to act on things that can be changed, and the wisdom to discern which is which. Even sociologists make distinctions between one’s agency and the structure and how individuals and societies are products of the dynamics between these two control centers.
We deal with different circumstances, but we can all work on things within our control. If you’re in doubt and helpless, you may begin exercising the control that you already have over these five things:
1. Your effort
You can’t control how others perceive you nor can you control what they say or do, but you can always control the effort that you put on your non-negotiables, be it people or tasks or advocacies. Always remember that other people can’t control how hard you work to achieve your goals.
2. The people you hang out with
It’s a familiar adage that we become the average of the people we spend our time with. There’s also what experts call the Pygmalion Effect where higher expectations in one’s surroundings could lead to better performance. If you desire to be better, exercise control in choosing the people you associate with.
3. Your kindness
Famous motivator and author Dr. Wayne Dyer said that “how others treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” You can always opt to express kindness instead of hatred and to seek understanding instead of conflict.
4. Your thoughts
The mind is personal property. You should not give a free lease by allowing others to govern your thoughts. Always activate your thought clearinghouse to ensure that only those that are beneficial get to stay.
5. Your happiness
Happiness is always an inside job, yet many rely on external forces to bring themselves joy and contentment. You can always determine what makes you happy, what makes your heart sing, what enriches your life, and you can also work towards these if you don’t have them yet.
Many important things are beyond one’s control, but many are also within reach. Make sure to focus on the bright spots and learn to let go of those that are not. You may begin by exercising control over these five things.