A history of how afraid and coward I am

Ever since I am a child, fight has never been a resolve for me. I have plenty of reasons to tell why fighting has never been a choice of mine since childhood. I've been into fights, because I was forced. I hope you get me, the enemy attacks - and so I was forced to fight.

I used to be as humble as possible despite how difficult the situation is. I keep remain silent of every nature of this world. Even if it's hurting me, I still choose to be silent. Maybe I'm just a private type of person? No. To make the long story short - "I eat pride". Pride is something I took gamble of because it's not so much important "for me". So yea, in order to resolve fights I tear it down. You get me? I always concede to resolve everything.

Nah. You're just a coward Jass. Don't make excuses.

Yep. I'm afraid to be involved in fights that's why I keep myself in silence. I put myself in a room watching on the window how beautiful the world is. I'm strong in terms of conversations but I really don't want fights. There will be a lot of consequences I see when I fight.

I can say from the bottom of my heart, I'm a calm and relaxed person. - But I'm dead serious. Seriously, I am serious on my seriousness on serious things. I don't know what to do. I don't know what will happen. I don't know how will I react when I fight. I don't know what will be me. Will you help me?