She was turning 30, leaving behind a decade of her life, that she had spend running away from her youth. In her twenties the days seemed to melt into one, as though her life was a constant repeat of self destruction. But she vowed to herself that things would change once she hit 30, that her life would take on new meaning and that she would taste the freedom she always longed for. That freedom she felt as a child, when she would spend hours in the forest, allowed to be who she was, with no fear of ridicule or punishment.
In her twenties she began to travel, exploring different countries, getting a taste for that freedom she yearned. But it never last, she always returned to the city to work and to take up her path of self destruction again. But as her thirties approached she decided to leave that city, to travel to another Continent and start anew. She was ready to begin a new chapter of her life, to leave behind the darkness that always seemed to follow her around and to embrace this new phase of her life. To reconnect with who she really was.
Taking 4 months to travel through South America, she finally arrived in Australia, which would be her home for the next 3 and a half years. The West Coast called to her, as she longed to find places that were untouched by humankind. To begin this journey of re-wilding herself.
She remembers the first time she came to the forest, the very first time she saw it, oh how it took her breathe away! Sitting in the Ute next to her friend, they where driving down South to see the Karri Forests, where the trees stood so tall and sang to you, as they danced with the wind.
One minute they were driving past farm land and then suddenly around the next bend they were there. She demanded that they stop so she could get out, and when she did she felt the magic of this sacred site as the soothing energy was omitted from the trees. She allowed herself to be swept up, in the pure beauty of it all. This majestic trees that towered over her and the ancient fern that nestled beneath them, it was here that she felt complete.
It was here that she would celebrate her 30th birthday, her initiation into her thirties!
She had chosen 2 close friends to be with her. They had spend the night in the forest and woke up early to the sound of bird song and the trees moving gracefully with the wind. They each carried a bottle of water and she carried the pipe. This was her journey now, a journey that would reconnect her to what she had lost, to what she had pushed aside.
She found the perfect spot and they sat cross legged on the ground, surrounded by these magnificent trees. They were silent, as they all knew why they were here.
She took the pipe from her pocket and placed the DMT in the bowl. She looked at her friends briefly and they both nodded to her. Bringing the pipe to her mouth, she added fire to the mix and inhaled.
And then the Truth hit her with such force that she fall upon the forest floor. All the while smiling at the knowledge that she was remembering. She could see the small organic threads that connected her and her friends to the world around her. Everything was pulsating with life., everything was connected.
These are the words that she wrote, that were imprinted on her mind, this was her initiation!.
I took the final step towards freeing my mind and opening my heart to the power that resides within,
I journeyed deep and witnessed my connection
To the world that surrounds me,
My initiation back to self.
That fire that I hold within,
Had burn down to an ember,
But on that day I once again became whole.
My fire burnt again with such force!