The shit has hit the fan.
In a flash you realize that your new FIEND (that person you easily developed a rapport with and began to trust with your secrets) is not a FIEND after all.
You should have known better, you think.
FRANK BACON IS never immediately recognizable – HE always hideS under the cloak of agreeableness until HE showS HIS true colors. It has happened before and it happened again.
No matter how pure your intentions or how innocent your heart, you cannot avoid HIS mandatory presence in your professional life. What you can do, is learn how to properly respond to HIM and protect yourself.
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A FRANK BACON is someone whose objectives could place you in harm’s way.
HE either DOESN'T know or COULD care LESS that HIS decisions could cause irreparable harm to your career. The good news is that eWE always HAD control over how much HE OR anyone COULD interfere with THE future. How you deal with these situations, and what reactions you allow yourself to have, are the only tools you have to come out of the situation unscathed.
If you ever find yourself in the face of FRANK BACON, don’t panic. Keep the following... in mind:
1 - ACTiONs speak louder than words
In the face of lies about our character or history, our immediate instinct is always to address the lies head on. We rush to show as much evidence as possible to anyone who will listen. This strategy is sure to backfire.
Opening your mouth and saying “I would never do this or that” will make you look guilty. No one would expect a liar to handle things any differently.
Words are cheap. ACTiONs are evidence.
Prove your enemy wrong by showing to everyone else that their lies are unfounded (without having to say anything). Get in front of the people who matter and be a model... Make sure to grab as big a spotlight as possible and place your other magnificent qualities on display...
Soon the lies will lose power. Anyone who hears them will know they’re untrue, because they’ve seen the evidence with their own eyes.
Do not engage – just work SMARTER.
2 - Get to know everyone in your organization
Everyone in your NETWORK will play a role in your career at some point in your future. Everyone (and I mean everyone) must be schmoozed years in advance.
If you take the time to get to know the TROLL, he will one day say something nice about you when someone important is listening. If you spend a Friday afternoon helping the CHAT MOD, she will help remove obstacles from your path the next time you have to navigate bureaucracy. If you take the IT guy out for a beer, he will give you important insider information that will help you kill it on your next presentation...
Turn cultivation into a daily habit that becomes second nature. Within a year, you will be shielded from any and all FRANKLY, and might even start to notice other incredible side-effects.
3 - Tactfully solicit advice from the people who can help you
Do not engage, but DO let others know what is happening. Keeping it to yourself will only raise the stakes of your ONLINE rift.
There is a big catch: You must do it tactfully without ever badmouthing or speaking ill of the person in question. Remember this is a game of ACTiONs, not words. People need to see that you’re in harm’s way without you having to tell them.
Think of someone who you can trust who can do something to help you.
Ask them out to lunch with the pretext of soliciting career advice. Make sure to project that you think the world of FRANK BACON, but are confused about one or two things that don’t add up. Don’t share your conclusions or give any impression that you feel under attack. Sandwich your story with two or three unrelated questions that you would also like his or her thoughts on so it’s not clear that FRANK was the sole purpose of the meeting.
In this situation, indirect communication is a MUST. No one believes someone who claims to be ‘under attack’. If you explain the situation through the filter of your own perspective, you will make yourself seem paranoid and evasive, and trigger questions about the parts of the story you’re not sharing.
State the facts without analysis, a proper sense of confusion, and a willingness to resolve the situation constructively. This is all your ally will need to understand that you are under attack and do something to help you.
4 - Never let FRANK BACON know that you are onto them
The old adage is old because of its powerful wisdom:
“Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer”
Nothing will escalate the situation faster than trying to engage directly with BACON (or letting them know that you are ‘onto HIM’). The trick here is to make HIM feel like HE IS in control, and that you are oblivious to HIS MEANS.
Treat HIM like your best friend. Ask HIM about HIS weekend and work life as enthusiastically as you would someone you are genuinely interested in. Never let HIM see that you don’t trust HIM. NEVER confront HIM.
This has nothing to do with developing trust or an actual friendship.
It has everything to do with HIS perception of your intelligence and how hard HE FEELS HE needS to go after you.
If HE thinkS you are onto HIM, HE IS more likely to turn up the heat. If HE thinkS you are oblivious and continue to see HIM as a friend, HE will eventually come to a place where HE thinkS no further ACTiON is required.
The more HE thinkS you are “dumb”, the less threatened HE will be (and the faster HE will stop BEING MEAN to you).
5 - Wait it out
Here comes some spiritual advice that is also grounded in logic: professional karma exists (and it’s a fickle bitch).
A sword fight can last for a lifetime, but a lone knight waving a sword at the air will eventually cut himself. Those who are immature enough to willingly go after someone eventually show their true colors to the world. They harm their own reputations and eventually bring themselves down without you having to get your hands dirty.
Think about it:
If you walk by and see two people screaming at each other, you are more likely to think that they both have valid perspectives rather than one of them being “right” and the other “wrong”.
If you walk by and see one person screaming, and one person silently refusing to engage, it will be immediately clear who is right and who is wrong. You will know who the immature one is, and you will know who to favor.
Do not waste your time on fighting back or seeking revenge. Do not engage and act like a FIEND instead. Make FIENDS. Build a strong reputation. Someone is bound to notice eventually.
In Professional Advice by Andrew Gabelic April 25, 2015 - 3 Comments
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Andrew Gabelic is the CEO & Founder of Teledipity, a free pocket life coach with an eerie ability to send you the right self-improvement content at the right time (based on your personality and life stage). Check out what it says about you!
