Asking for help takes courage, especially when living with a chronic illness. When my whole family found ourselves struggling during the last 3 years, I researched extensively, joined online forums contacted other people who were living through it. It is during this journey that I discovered how important it is to have a support system supports us in a loving and caring way. This journey made me know what is important and what is not.
Be positive and avoid being critical.
Yes, we are struggling and are already dealing with a lot of negativity from our situation. We need energy that is positive and uplifting without being annoyingly happy. Help us find the humour in our situation. Laughter can be the best medicine. Just be cautious about how far you take it. Notice facial expressions or body language to see if you have gone too far. If uncertain, just ask. Any humour no matter how dark do not go being critical. Darkness is part of us and we are part darkness.
Keep your eyes and ears open.
If you see someone who has been going through a lot, reach out to them. Remember if someone is really struggling, they are in survival mode and can only focus on what is in front of them. Being able to see the bigger picture and ask for help isn’t easy. They are often living minute to minute, hour to hour, and day to day just to keep moving forward. Plans beyond today evening are just wishful thinking
Lend a helping hand.
People who are struggling don’t necessarily have the energy or mental capacity to figure out what they need or to even ask. Reach out to find out how you can help. Some basic needs that can relieve some of the pressure include helping with laundry, washing dishes, cleaning up around the house, bringing/cooking a healthy meal, grocery shopping and offering to go out whether dundaiing, a picnic, zip lining, to the park, swimming……
Be mindful about inviting people to parties.
For those of us who are struggling and having difficulty addressing life’s basic needs, a party can feel overwhelming and even more isolating. Yes, we want to feel normal and not left out of things. However, it can be exhausting, especially for introverts to socialize in a group setting. Our energy is focused on surviving basic daily tasks such as work, chores, cooking meals and resting. Parties can feel like an unnecessary luxury without any kind of help and support to meet basic needs. Food and drinks at the parties may isolate even more.. people with chronic illness will not just eat or drink just anything.
If someone has been ill, make sure to reach out to the partner or caregiver that is helping.
The extra responsibility this person is taking on can be just as overwhelming if not more for the caregiver. They may need a safe place to vent as they don’t want to burden their partner who is ill or struggling
Organize a group of people to help.
We all have lots of responsibilities, and it may seem like yet another to help someone in need. The great thing is you don’t always have to do it all alone. Find out what the individual needs and create a list to send out to family and friends. You can create a list of specific items, activities and resources and individuals sign up for what they can do. If there is a financial need, people may use platforms such as GoFundMe and other crowdfunding resources.
Apart from all the responsibilities burdened on each and every one imagine your yearly spend is not even enough for meds and tests for a person living with chronic illness. A good example is me: I claim to be really expensive seeing my monthly drug expenditure is just a little under half a million EVERY MONTH. That is on drugs not hospital stay, not doctors’ visits……
Avoid placing unnecessary responsibilities on the person
For the caregiving types, we love to help and it can be a very good distraction, but the focus needs to be on relieving some of the stress. It is already difficult to only receive, and it’s easy for us to feel guilty about not being able to help. Even the simplest tasks can take people over the edge. When we feel completely empty and drained, now is not the time to be asking for help. And avoid decision-making tasks that can easily put someone into overwhelm mode as they already have a lot of decisions they are having to make during this time.
If you are still uncertain of what to do
ask to stop by and visit
You can often discover what someone needs just by seeing their home environment and talking with them. Just call or message ahead to determine the best time to visit. When someone is overwhelmed, they may not be able to think clearly and know how or what to ask for.
When you don’t have much time to give or live far away, you can still help.
There are a variety of companies that will make, deliver or ship meals. There are also a variety of online meal delivery options. You can buy gift cards online or hire someone to come and help with specific tasks such as general house maintenance, construction, cleaning, running errands and more.
Encourage exercise.
One of the first things to go during stressful periods is exercise. Yet it is one of the most critical things we can do for our physical, mental and emotional well-being. Offer to go on a walk or take them to a class such as Kizumba dance, yoga or even meditation. Nature walks have been my life line. When I need the emotional release, I have a safe place to cry. When I need inspiring, positive and uplifting energy, I walk away feeling stronger and empowered to move forward during these tough times.
If there are children involved, offer to watch their kids for a couple hours or even overnight.
Ask to take the kids somewhere fun to get away from the extra stress within the household. The kids also need to play and their opportunities may be limited when the family’s focus is on survival.
I am not very well versed with this as I do not have kids but am sure what I said makes sense (however I am open to hearing your story…yes you with a kid or kids fighting chronic illness)
Healing is a journey and we can’t do it alone. We need support no matter who we are and what the situation may be. Being honest about our struggles with our friends and family is the first step towards healing and receiving the support we need. I am so grateful to my/our friends who stepped up to help us move forward and see the light within the darkness.