So many, many good messages in this post!
i identify with all of it, and need to internalize this:
The only validation of my experiences that I've had are in my own mind. And I finally feel pretty good about that. It's never been about everybody else, it's always just been about me. In my own mind, in my own space. Those are the things I can control and how I feel about them is also fully under my control. I'm mastering the art of allowance and slowly but surely teaching myself how to accept the blessings that have always been there that I've resisted and refused to receive.