How much do you share? How much is too much? How much do you allow yourself to be aware of?
I’m not one to hide things, but there is always something I have to hide. Otherwise I’d be hugging friends of friends and making people cry left and right.
I wonder how much others struggle with this. I sure know people here do, but how much are people honest with themselves to the point where they recognize all of their desires? How many of us, when we are being totally honest, are really able to maintain any kind of social norms whatsoever? How can we be a husband or wife or father or mother or son or daughter if we act out everything we desire? But should we just shut down our desires or should we explore them? Should we worry much about fitting the label or should we do what most comes natural to us, come what may?
I feel like most people would give a black or white answer but I can’t see anyone actually living this way, short of a few people who find new labels to fit into.
Social norms, as much as I actively work against them, have a purpose. They may be overly restrictive at times but it’s not as if they don’t benefit people from time to time. In the same way they can be extremely oppressive. When you are in a place where it’s not normal to smile but you want to smile, you end up freaking people out. But if you go with the flow and are aware of where people around you are at, maybe you won’t.
There is always space in between...and I always find myself there, searching for a way to be everything and nothing.
It’s kind of beautiful, this push and pull. I am pushing myself to be more and more transparent but pulling back as to not move at a pace that feels jarring or overwhelming to the people I care about, and not in a way to isolate myself.
It’s hard to be any more specific than this...It’s really nothing. Just something I think about. I wonder if anyone knows what I mean?