So I did a thing that I've never done before recently...
I traveled outside of my state ALONE!!!
to most people this is probably not a big deal, but for me it was one of the SCARIEST, most LONELY things I've ever done. And for me this is a huge deal. I've never traveled anywhere for vacation or for my own enjoyment, and so far I still haven't :) It was for work, and because the project was very specific, I mainly only worked while I was out there.
So there was a person that needed to be walked through, or prepared for the windows environment. (Note in this office everyone is basically using Mac computers)
More importantly I was in New York for 3 days.
THREE WHOLE DAYS ALONE!
I don't think I've ever been alone that long. So to be honest I was shaken by the request to travel for this project. the thought of being in a quiet room, in a place I didn't recognize was dreadful. Everytime I opened a door, I would turn on the light and look around the corners of my room for foreign entities. It was weird but that feeling quickly washed away after my first night.
I learned an important thing on that trip.
I am normally alone... Not like no one is around alone, more like I don't really talk to people.
I generally get up in the morning walk to a bus and ride to the office within a 3 to 4 hour period without talking to a soul. I see my friends once every two to three weeks for the most part. I spend a great deal of time void of any interaction until I get home from work.
I cherish the time with my family, but even then I don't share too much of myself with anyone. In fact this platform has become a much needed outlet for a quick vent or to bleed out a stream of thought.
The thing I fear, I surround myself with...
The very think that feels so wrong, seems to be commonplace.
I didn't know that until I was forced in a situation in which I would be completely alone.
Humans are resilient things, in the quiet darkness we can reconcile the worst feelings to survive.