In times of Tinder, meet new people is increasingly common situation, with new encounters come new concerns: will the person will like you? Does the chat will be good? What to say? What not to say?
To help us solve these existential questions of modern life, a group of scientists decided to test some conversation techniques and find a way to captivate a person on a first date. We more than thanks.
Basically what they did was to promote encounters between strangers, who talked about their dreams, they described what would be a perfect day for them, shared embarrassing situations etc. What was noticed that in all cases there was some level of reciprocity, greater or smaller, but there is a type of reciprocity is more successful.
Monologue or dialogue?
Among the profiles analyzed was obviously the "chatterbox" who talks nonstop while the other person is just listening, with that poker face. Which of the two types of interaction you think tends to end well: one involving dialogue or reciprocity which is basically a monologue?
To find out, Dr. Sue Sprecher evaluated the conversation between strangers, interacting via a webcam - the online conversation was chosen because it allows the control of external interference, such as body language, posture and any other tip that can contribute to a person like it or not the other.
Each pair interacted twice to people who were just listening to a garrulous volunteer also had the opportunity to speak in another conversation, causing a balance in the study, in a way. After each conversation, the participants talked about the people with whom we interacted and said they liked it or not to interact with them, they had fun and talked also about the answers they believed that their peers would.
And the winner was
The answers showed that participants who interacted most were those who reported more like each other - bad news for chatterboxes who like to do monologues. Couples who interacted most were also the ones who enjoyed themselves more and believed that his interlocutors like them too. Reciprocity in terms of dialogue seems to be a really important factor.
The truth is that Sprecher team proved what many have long suspected: good relationships start with good conversations, and we tend to like people who leave us speak and demonstrate reciprocity of interest in the time to talk and tell stories.
In short, to do well on the first date, not the person who talks endlessly, but is not one that does not say anything. Interaction, dear readers, is the rule of success.