One of the most frustrating things in dating and relationships is when you seem to attract the wrong type of person over and over again.
After all, what could be more annoying than meeting someone, and thinking, this time, you’ve finally found the one…
…Only to found out a few weeks or months (or years!) down the road, that this person emotionally stunted, has dramatically different values to you, or otherwise just isn’t the right type of person for you?
How can you go about breaking this terrible circle?
The answer is to two-fold.
First of all, you need to know what you want in a partner and a relationship.
Most people make the mistake of either being too broad or too specific.
If you’re too broad, you might say something like, “I just want to find a good guy / good girl.”
That’s great, but probably about 98% of the people you meet out there are good people with generally good intentions.
It doesn’t mean that you should be dating them.
After all, they may have different values, different goals, and different personalities that don’t mesh well with you and what you want in life.
If you’re too specific, you may have a laundry list of requirements for your partner.
They have to be a certain height or weight, have a certain career, earn a certain amount of money, love all the same things you love, hate all the same things you hate…
…And the list goes on and on…
What’s important is to strike a balance between being too broad and being too specific.
It’s important to have standards, but make sure those standards are actually important to you.
I recommend limiting it to 5 things.
If it’s really important that your partner makes 6-figures, that’s fine…
…But you’ve only got 4 more things on your list.
Limiting your list of standards to no less than 5 items keeps you from being too generic (a good guy / good girl).
And limiting your list of standards to no more than 5 items keeps you from being too specific (focusing on trivial things rather than important values).
Once you know the type of partner you want, start noticing the types of people you end up dating.
Can you identify if they have any of your 5 most important qualities?
If they do, keep dating them!
If they don’t, it is very important that you stop dating them… immediately!
Why?
Because they are lacking some sort of basic quality that you are looking for in a partner or a relationship.
And if you try to stay with them, then you are only setting yourself up for more frustration down the road.
…Plus the more time you spend dating someone who doesn’t have the ability or desire to be the type of partner you want, the less time you’ll have to find the right partner for you.
Remember, part of finding the right kind of partner and the right type of love is knowing when to walk away from people and relationships that aren’t what you want.
It’s hard, but you have to be willing to do it.