It seems that something that a lot of youth and young single adults (and some adults too) have difficulty understanding nowadays, is what the purpose of dating is, and what it means to date someone.
When they like someone, they begin to 'date'. However it seems they tend to go to either hanging out (usually because they are too shy or don't know how to approach the other person and ask) or straight ahead to full on serious and exclusive (which often includes sex). Young relationships very seldom last too long, as it should be. This is the time when they should be learning how to interact with others, get to know other people (in all their glory and foibles) and, most importantly, getting to know and understand themselves. Instead, they speed ahead and become very serious, often possessive and unfortunately, intimate. My personal opinion is, they do this because they haven't been taught any different. They have been 'taught' by the television or movies that if you like someone, it means you get intimate. Love is sex. (And we won't even get into the emotional consequences of sexual relationships that start and end, start and end, start and end....).
No wonder so many of our young ones are frustrated and/or emotionally confused and in turmoil. They are forgetting to enjoy the 'getting-to-know-you' step. Or is it perhaps not that they are forgetting this step, as much as they haven't been taught that it even exists? The 'old fashioned' dating step allows them to get to know the other person, and in the process, get to know themselves, their values, their real interests and what they want out of life.
So then let's just see what the definition of a date is. According to the booklet For The Strength Of Youth, "A date is a planned activity that allows a young man and a young women to know each other better."
And what's the definition of hanging out?
According to the Urban Dictionary, it is "to socialize with your friends, whether it is of your choosing or not; most of the time the term is used to refer to a type of fun."
Then I decided to look up what the definition of a sexual relationship would be. It's rather shocking and very sad, because this is the kind of relationship most of our youth and young adults are looking for. This is the definition from the Urban Dictionary :
"When two people are unable to develop an intimate friendship due to a strong sexual attraction. The attraction often blinds one or both of them and creates the illusion of a deeper metaphysical bond, when in reality the relationship was based only on sex."
OR try this one from the online Free Dictionary...
. sexual relationship - a relationship involving sexual intimacy
relationship - a state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection); "he didn't want his wife to know of the relationship"
affaire, amour, liaison, affair, intimacy, involvement - a usually secretive or illicit sexual relationship
WOW! Nothing permanent or emotionally stable in that! And yet THIS is considered acceptable for our young ones to be doing and calling it 'dating'.
It is our responsibility as parents, to teach our children what dating is, how to date and the purpose of dating. It's our responsibility to arm them and to give them the skills to safe guard their emotions and their future.
