The Lies We Tell Ourselves Are the Most Bitter Truths
When someone has insecurities (and trust me, I have plenty that I have my own struggle with... thus I feel pretty apt in my qualifications to discuss the topic) these are almost always based on a previous experience. We may have seen our parents and modeled our views after them. More commonly, a previous relationship taints the future ones and with each broken relationship, there is a bit of baggage to bring forward. When a relationship ends, we are charged with finding ourselves and seeking a healthy relationship instead of jumping in. Most of us don't listen and in our need for companionship and nearly inbred codependency of our generation, we find another to be with. Thus, we bring the baggage along and store the lies of our past safely in a drawer of the present.
As we move forward in our relationships it becomes more and more difficult to be able to shed old insecurities. Because we act in a manner that sets up the insecurity, often without even thinking about it, we will end up recreating the perfect environment for these to thrive in. It can be difficult to do something different and this can be a stain on a number of a person's interpersonal relationships a they get older.
According to the in depth report commissioned by the Dove SelfEsteem initiative, Real Girls, Real Pressure: A National Report on the State of Self-Esteem states that body image issues start at an increasingly young age. Low self-esteem is generally the precipitating factor for insecurity and these traits are learned as young as grade school. Insecurities are picked up and carried with through life. The longer that they are present, the longer that they have to roost. This means that for many women, there is a deep rooted fear within their psyche and if you are dating a woman, chances are that insecurities have taken root.
Take a look at this infographic to see some interesting statitics and how self-esteem effects the average American girl.
Men Have Insecurities Too
I am not a man, so please feel free to correct me if you feel that I am wrong... Men have insecurities as well but they are not typically the same variety as women. Furthermore, while there is considerable bias regarding eating disorders, men routinely how as being either 1 to 3 or 1 to 2 in ratio, when compared to women with eating disorders. Men can be insecure about their body but since their pressures are different and arguably, since there is an increased pressure towards women to look a certain way, men are often not noticed when they do have an eating disorder. That being said, when they are diagnosed with an ED of any variety, the treatment i often the same. Like women, they shouldn't be expected to simply get over their insecurities.
Men and Women and What They Can Do To Get Over Their Insecurities
Now, just because we can't all just get over our issues, we are still responsible for our own actions. When insecurities rear their head in a relationship, the best thing that you can do is to acknowledge them, give them their space and then let them go. Insecurities are one of the dumbest coping mechanisms, in my opinion.
Slow and Steady Wins the Race
Insecurities can be tough to tackle, but doing so can be rewarding on so many levels. First, you must face challenges and begin with a pan. then you want to work on those communication skills. They key is keeping your mind active and to be able to develop healthy patterns for the future. The mind gets nervous about how the body looks or the inherent value of themselves in a relationship (be it friend professional or romantic) and then they let their mind just go with it. Rather than trying to stuff the feelings down, the best way to deal with insecurities is head on.
5 Tips To Impacting Insecurities
Talk about your feelings and let your partner know why you feel as you do. This is especially important whether or not they were the initial trigger. Your partner likely will want to help you figure things out, but you gotta be honet about those scary feelings first!
Practice mindful gratitude exercices to remind yourself of the good in your own world. Being grateful is one of the best ways to combat sour feelings about yourself. This process helps you focus on you and allows you to be able to see what the benefits are in your own life. This can keep you on a more even keel emotionally.
Find a sounding board and utilie them when you need a different perspective. Again, this is more talking buit instead of your partne, you may want to run your thoughts by someone first. This should be someone that you trust and can take their opinion. They can help you determine if your thoughts are succinct and rational before talking with a partner.
Make a plan. Often talking will inform a person of your problem but it won't let them know what to do. Then, next time they do something that results in your feeling down or insecure, resentment will build. Sometimes the answer isn't so clear and every partner deserves a reminder now and then. Besides, a good partner will want to help and this is how you can keep them busy rather than fixating on your special needs more than you would like.
Be honest with yourself about your progress. If your trigger continues on and you keep feeling insecure even after doing these things, you may want to consider a bit of therapy to get more insight on the ways to combat your insecurities
References: