It is just disheartening that when I get up although some of the pains are gone because I am taking my parathyroid medicine, the stiffness, pains, and weakness is still there. So I am really sad to realize that I am no longer like I was before and that this situation may not get better at all.
But the best thing to with this situation that I am into is to just deal with it and do whatever it takes just to make myself feel better which is precisely what I am doing right now. So I am working day and night to achieve just that and it is not an easy task because time is not really on my side.
I have the fifty-fifty ratio desire to live and to die. To live because I just want to witness the light of another day because I am waiting for one thing the coming of the Lord Jesus Christ and reign with him in the next thousand years. I also desire to live because I always wanted to at least feel normal again and I think there is nothing wrong with that.
But when I am really in an eye-popping agony I just wanted to die and I would accept with no hard feelings if my spirit would return to God today it is still okay although it will be just a disappointment that I didn't achieve what I wanted to accomplish.
Life is like a flower, it is beautiful but it will always come a time that a flower will wither down and die and other flowers will begin after that and that is the reality that I have to accept because no one lives forever.
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