Recently a friend of mine told me that their cousin passed away due to cancer. My immediate reaction was "I'm sorry to hear that." When I said it, I was genuinely upset and sympathetic for the pain that they were feeling, but when I think about what I said, it doesn't make much sense. So this leads me to wonder about the common things people say in this situation:
- "I'm sorry to hear that." - Well too bad, you heard it.
- "What happened?" - Really? You want them to re-live the trauma by retelling it?
- "My condolences." - Wow you really put some effort into that one.
- "Sorry for your loss." - This isn't an account balance, it's someone's life.
- "You're in our thoughts and prayers." - Yeah I don't even want to touch this one.
- "That's terrible." - You don't say?
What should someone say when they hear this news? I can' t figure it out. I guess there's nothing you can really say to improve the situation. When I hear such awful news, I want to acknowledge to the person that I feel bad for them and I hope they deal with the situation as best as possible and don't become depressed because of it. How do you communicate this without being belittling?
I think the next time this happens, I'll just be quiet and not say anything. Maybe that's the appropriate response.