Today has been a day. My brain will not stop thinking about all the people I have known, who are now dead. Like actually really and truly not a part of this planet anymore.
They say there are 5-7 stages of the grieving process...
The stages don't have to be in order, or on anyone else's timeline. They change as they come and go, some briefly, some linger for longer than we would like. Sometimes, you wake one day and realize they are but distant fuzzy memories.
ANGER and BARGAINING
This isn't listed first because it comes first. Again, the stages don't have to present in any specific order or intensity.
Anger towards the world, or your loved one, or even towards yourself (with or without cause) are completely normal. Sometimes, the anger turns to bargaining...in that we say we will do anything to have our friend back.
Again, most people go through this stage at some point of their grieving process. Just don't go and take it out on the rest of the world.
PAIN and GUILT
Chances are, you never got to say that last "I love you" to a person. Maybe, you had stopped talking or just drifted apart.
When we lose something that we put value in, there is a hole. It is not necessary to fill the hole with anything else, sometimes what is left is just as strong as what went away.
SHOCK and DENIAL
I think I am still in the denial stage about my grandmother's death and that was almost 18years ago.
How is something that was here, that had so much influence on who I am as a person, no longer be there when I want to talk to them?
I constantly have to remind myself that decomposition is a thing...
DEPRESSION, REFLECTON, LONELINESS
...and then you realize that "Oh, yeah. That's real."
Maybe, you have been with your partner for 20years or more. All you have now is the memory of how it was and how it is now. Of course, you are depressed.
Maybe, though you haven't talked in years, you were the same age/had similar hobbies/grew up together--now you are sitting reflecting on your own mortality.
"The UPWARD TURN"
Eventually, this does happen.
Maybe, it will happen several times, but then you are thrust right back into depression/anger/pain. It's okay. It will happen again. You will begin to break out of the cycle. You will be able to continue your life/your path.
RECONSTRUCTION and WORKING THROUGH
There will always be a hint of the grief experienced in losing a loved one, but eventually you will have to rewrite your life, without them as an actor in your story. Every time you do something new, you are building yourself as a new you. A you with out them. The more you do it, the more you will work through your grief and come out somewhere on the other side of it.
ACCEPTANCE and HOPE
Acceptance and hope do not mean that you have to blindly accept what has happened. If there were wrongs committed in your loss, the hope may be in some sort of retribution...but acceptance allows us to come out of the cycle of anger/denial/bargaining/guilt. It helps us to know that though we don't like this, it is okay.
Everyday, I feel myself move further away from the anger and pain, maybe one day (with any of my deceased loved ones), I will reach acceptance.
(I love this picture. I feel like it is looking through me. I may use it as my Death Thoughts Daily mascot, what do you think?)
