Recently over the past couple months an intriguing question struck a chord in my mind, bounced around and refuses to leave. I've dealt with it before, but the more I witness it, the more it gains precedence in my thought process and the more I desire to understand the mechanics of the animal.
Throughout my life I've beheld in went through myself an interesting phenomenon regarding relationships between people, saved with saved or unsaved and vice versa. It seems as if the pattern, whether female or male respectively, goes as such. One person will give their absolute all; gifts, love, thoughts, time, money, words, and total unconditional, unrestrained emotions to the other party. In response to this, the male or female depending on the situation (for each is different) will completely disregard everything that the other does for them. Not only ignore and remain unappreciative, but return the kindness with hateful speeches, hurtful words, lack of consideration, and will become disattached from the person which is bestowing the care. Why is this the case? This is not where the chaos ends though. In response to the reaction of the person whom obviously does not care at all, the caring party will continue to try even harder and will further the problem by doing that which seems to be only right if you are indeed 'in love'. Why?
This preturbs me to no end. Without revelaing to much sensitive information I'll give you some history about myself before my salvation in 2009. When I was younger and all the hormones were 'raging' I was an extremely sensitive and thoughtful individual when it came to relationships. I always understood how to treat women, how to be kind and achieve a smile from one by being polite, kind, generous and gentlemanly. This may have come from being mostly raised by my mother, which we will discuss later as an underlying problem. But, this never made a difference. At least after fourth grade. I noticed early on that most of the girls, especially the pretty ones were holding hands with, spending their time with, and wooing over the most vile boys in the school. Regardless of the boys' physical appearance, for most were not flattering to behold, the girls for the most part were throwing themselves at the jerks whom showed them no interest whatsoever. Was it reverse psychology? Was it media and television? Where did this start? Is it age old? What happened to the princesses I heard about that desired to be with a valiant, trustworthy, and respectable prince? Was it really a fairy tale? These questions continued...
Eventually due to public school, my sinful heart, and absolute rebellion I left what I knew to be true. I let go of belief in an omnipotent God, put down the Bible (which I never really read anyways) and picked up cigarettes, rock music, cuss words, weed, alcohol and a host of other sinful accutruments which we will not discuss. Guess what? Here they came. Pretty ones too. Girls were no longer distant and foreign, no longer hard to find and difficult to swoon, they were on every side. Some of them literally began to throw themselves at me to which I didn't complain much being a normal heterosexual teenager, but the worse I acted and the more ridiculously I dressed, the more there were. Although I never lost my ability to be romantic and sweep a woman off of her feet, I didn't have to, and if I had tried in any of these relationships, the further the girl distanced herself. What was this about? Was it spiritual? Was it something else? I didn't really care until later.
Due to my alcoholic tendencies, I became overly emotional, lost all of my 'hardcoreness' and spiraled further into depression which I masked with marijuana smoke? Then in 2009 Jesus Christ himself got a hold on me. After viewing Kent Hovind's seminars on the creation of the earth, I couldn't continue the way I was living. Sure I had all that I wanted; money, a place, 'friends', 'girlfriends', drugs and all the pleasures in the world, but my unhappiness was quickly revealed.
My complete emptiness and destitute soul was unveiled and it has never been the same. I repented of the sin I committed and was transformed in an instant internally to a new creature. Born again. Saved. Washed of my iniquity. Purged from my transgressions. The weight was gone and the pleasure was no longer important. In time God removed it all from my life. He took the weed, the alcohol, the addictions, the filthy mouth, the pride, the anger, the lust, and as you guessed everyone disappeared. The 'friends' left. The 'girlfriend' vanished. The 'girls' vanished (I definitely didn't want them anymore). The family (except the saved ones c:) forook all of me. What happened? I was becoming a new man. A better person. I was being redeemed and now wanted more than fornication and lust, more than cheating and empty promises, more than materialistic desires. I wanted marriage, children, God's will, Jesus and everything he was. How could this hurt things? (Ironically as I sit here utilizing the free Wifi hotspot, several irreverant, rude, obnoxious young men walked in using profanity, being loud, discussing things as shallow as who one the game, the new movies, and the new blasphemous song out. And all the women around there age continue to cast their gazes upon them. Back in forth as if they are witnessing something they have never seen before. When in fact, this is all that exist.) How could this be a bad thing?
There is a sermon entitled the
THE LONELINESS OF THE CHRISTIAN By A.W. Tozer which describes what I was feeling...
The loneliness of the Christian results from his walk with God in an ungodly world, a walk that must often take him away from the fellowship of good Christians as well as from that of the unregenerate world. His God-given instincts cry out for companionship with others of his kind, others who can understand his longings, his aspirations, his absorption in the love of Christ; and because within his circle of friends there are so few who share his inner experiences he is forced to walk alone. The unsatisfied longings of the prophets for human understanding caused them to cry out in their complaint, and even our Lord Himself suffered in the same way.
The man [or woman] who has passed on into the divine Presence in actual inner experience will not find many who understand him. He finds few who care to talk about that which is the supreme object of his interest, so he is often silent and preoccupied in the midst of noisy religious shoptalk. For this he earns the reputation of being dull and over-serious, so he is avoided and the gulf between him and society widens. He searches for friends upon whose garments he can detect the smell of myrrh and aloes and cassia out of the ivory palaces, and finding few or none he, like Mary of old, keeps these things in his heart.
It is this very loneliness that throws him back upon God. His inability to find human companionship drives him to seek in God what he can find nowhere else.
'And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again.' 2 Corinthians 5:15
Sigh... Is there not an underlying reason? Some connection I can make between this and America? I've heard that this is not the same in other parts of the world whom have not been conditioned to view Christianity as one with Catholicism and as a hypocritical religion which only wants to pull money out of your pockets. Places where when you say that you are a follower of Christ they do not give you a disrespectful scoff and walk away disgusted like you are some animal with rabies. In those places I've heard men and women can be found which will appreciate being treated like a man or a woman.
Could this be the effects of the '60s in which the sexual revolution took place and people began to throw out all of their morals and gave in to any and all kinds of debauchery and promiscuity? Or is the fact that during the sixties evolution began to be taught in all public schools and abominations like the Church of Satan came onto the scene? Is it Hollywood and television which depicts men as nothing but effeminate females that must be primped and prettied, and paints the woman to be the head of the household, literally wearing the pants? If you know anything about pop culture you know that even the words and synonyms that the world uses for sex are all violent! Or does it start earlier? Since the government started to implement measures to keep you from properly disciplining your children, now the children rule over the household.
Could that be it?
Or is it the fact that there is a gigantic lack of fathers willing to discipline their children and teach their boys how to be men and teach their daughters how a man should treat them? I've asked many people about this and it seems to be a combination of all... But the real reason is we have turned our back on God. As a city. As a state. As a country. As the world. Men no longer seek his face. They are no longer guided by his eye and they have no relationship with their heavenly Father, therefore they do not understand how to correctly be fathers. They do not understand how to properly be husbands, brothers, sons, grandfathers. Is all hope lost?
I'm saddened.
I hold back tears as I sit here in this place. But I'm sure my tears for a lost and dying generation will go unnoticed or will be mistaken for an allergy or something frivolous. After all, no one cries for anyone else's soul these days.
O God, what have we done?
And I will give children [to be] their princes, and babes shall rule over them... [As for] my people, children [are] their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause [thee] to err, and destroy the way of thy paths. Isaiah 3:4,12
(A tall man with barely any teeth and a shirt with skulls and death walks in the door with his girlfriend's keys. 'I just have to run up here to inaudible it won't take long. He only wants 25 dollars. I'll be back in a minute,' he says. 'Sigh. Okay. inaudible,' she says. I can't help but think the worse.)
O Lord help me to not be offended at thine judgments. We have gone our own way and we are eating the fruit of our own ways.
They would none of my counsel: they despised all my reproof. Therefore shall they eat of the fruit of their own way, and be filled with their own devices. Proverbs 1:30-31
Since 2009, I have seen four females whom all claimed to be Christians. Courted you could say. A couple wore dresses and had the outward appearance of a Christian but their hearts were cold. Another claimed to be a child of God, but within a month was cussing me out and revealed to me she had never told me she was married. The other whom seemed to be the prospect ran off as soon as we parted ways and had a child by a complete reprobate. We're a nation of liars. Complete unrestrained lying hypocrites. God's hand will not stay itself forever and I am sure that right now we are experiencing what could be none other than his judgment.
It's time to quit playing games. In the words of Michael Slattery, 'Pull your pants up, put a shirt on, get a haircut! BE A MAN!!!' And ladies? What's the deal? Someone whom treats you like absolute garbage does not love you. Someone whom breaks his promises on a weekly basis, doesn't treat you like a respectable woman, and would rather fornicate and get it over with to move on to the next one rather than wait for marriage does not love you. Why must you chase him? You think that you can revive that which is dead? You think that you need what you cannot have? You seriously think that it will change? We are a foolish people, and we deserve whatever it is that we will get.
Grow up men. Take care of your children. And if circumstances make it impossible for you to do so, pray for your children. If you have none and God has placed you with another person which does have some, love them as your own. Be a father. Be a MAN.
But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and [that] he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Matthew 18:6
The children know better than you do. What's your excuse?
You cannot become any better unless you receive Jesus Christ. He is all of these wonderful attributes that we cry out for yet reject manifest in one being.
For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God... Romans 3:23
For the wages of sin [is] death; but the gift of God [is] eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 6:23
But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
Would your loved one die for you?
The lonlieness of a Christian is indeed lonely. 'But it is better than being with someone and still just as lonely.' - A wise old friend. God has someone for you Christian if he has given you the desire. It is your duty to rely on him in patience. Get ahead of him and you will fall. Trust me, I know. I know there is a young lady out there whom in desperation is asking all these same questions? And when God is ready he will provide the rib which is closest to my heart. The one that desires to be showered with love, gifts, compassion, generosity, kindness, care. The one that desires to have the door opened for her and the chair pulled out. The one that desires a covering from a man that can protect her. Not one that talks a big talk and dresses like she does. The one that desires to be what she was made to be... A woman.