It's not like I am not grateful for what I have, believe me I am. It's just that I find myself wanting more. I totally understand that there are people who view what I have as more than enough , but in my defense, people surely have different perspectives of life. I hate that some people just derive pleasure in making me feel more worthless everyday, I hate that they expect me to overlook their utterances and actions and then tell me I am too uptight. I hate that I am the pity case among my friends, I hate that I feel like a depressed mess more often than not.
I remember when I wanted to go to the movies with my friends (that was supposed to be my first time at the movies), but my parents were having financial problems. They couldn't give me the money I needed to buy the ticket and that was when I fully realized that things were not good at all. I cried and actually felt like laughing when my mom thought that my crying was my way of throwing a tantrum. How could she have thought that I didn't understand what was going on?
I grew up as an uptight,serious and analytical girl. I don't understand the word 'fun'. I think too much before doing anything. Other girls my age are probably enjoying their so called "sweet sixteen'', but I feel like a sixteen year old with the mind of a twenty one year old. I am a girl who enjoys her solitude. I like staying in my room with my novels or music rather than conversing with people. . Every time I am sad, I turn to my novels or music. When I listen to music, I feel like there is an imaginary wall that shields me from my fears and emotions. The only constant in my life is my novels and so it has become my best friend. Some say I am addicted to e-books but they don't understand that it is not easy to be a teenager and not be allowed to live like one. I am expected to dress, speak, think and live in a particular way and still be me.How is that possible?
