Depression doesn't get shared.
Depression doesn't get anything from anyone.
So why am I posting this here? To see what value thought has.
"We truly live in a wonderful era. "
This is what, I think, everyone said about the century they lived in. In every era man had to do something he tought will be remembered for centuries to come. Because he knows how small he is and has to feel great. He has to think he has the power to do everything, while he can't do anything else that live his small life here on this little planet that one day will be dust as everything else. This is what I think everytime I light up a cigarette.
But we do truly live in a wonderful era, don't we?
We have the internet, we have autonomous cars, many jobs will soon become obsolete because of robots, we are studying how to make our bodies better with genetic manipulation and with technology like prosthethics and human-machine integrations.
We live in a time where there are so much possibilities we don't even have the mean to explore a fraction of them.
But nonetheless, we live in a time where people are so focussed on their lives, they forget everything else they have around them.
When I say people are focussed on their lives, I mean they are focussed on their imagination. Because life without imagination is nothing and if you look around you you will see how empty everything is. You have to believe in something to give it value, you have to think life is beautiful for it to be beautiful, but rationally it isn't.
We are just here waiting for something to happen, and that something is what ends everything.
I have good friends and some of them think like me about life. Most of the people that don't know me though will only think that I am depressed and I need to see someone.
This is not true for me. I just tend to rationalize things too much. That said, yes, thinking about this things made my life worse than it was before, but I prefer it this way. I don't want to lose myself in things that don't exist like everyone does. I too play videogames, I too read books to pass time, to evade from this world. I too had a job that I did for the only purpose of making money and spend them on useless things to pass time.
Think about it. Everything our society has created is about escaping from reality. Consumerism and everything around it exists to give people something to do other than realizing how life is meaningless. To keep them occupied and productive. Otherwise everyone would just stand there like in ancient greece doing philosophy and... nothing. Just enjoying life.
But is this what life is about?
I don't think so. And even if life is short and I might not find what really makes me happy, I will still live this way, just searching. Looking for what makes me feel like living is worth it.
I know, these are things you would hear from a teenager, right? Well, tag me as a teen then, but I don't think I'm more immature than people who think their life is more important than others' and like having all the attention towards themselves. Because if you are acclaimed, you are famous, you just have around you people that like, it is obvious that you will feel good. But it's an illusion.
For how many people will like you, there will always be someone that doesn't like you and that should make you think, instead of boosting your ego like everyone tells you to do.
Because if you look up at the skies, you can only realize you are nothing. And your life is worth like everyone else's: nothing. Humans and life are not worth anything alone. They are not worth anything in group even.
But what I think gives value to life is sharing and helping people. And not like most of us do, just to feel good ourselves because we did something right. But right and wrong is just a construct of society, not an absolute value. And what it's good for you is wrong for others.
So by now you think I'm just very confused, of course. Because life is relative. There's no truth about anything but what you decide to believe. And this happens when you don't believe in anything.
You just don't feel like doing anything. You just feel the burden of existence on your shoulders.
And YES! I took action against this thoughts, but you just cannot think about it. I have friends and enjoy spending time with them, I have fun at parties. But I cannot just end the thought that human is miserable for now.
Maybe one day humanity will be united and great, we will explore galaxies and find something that... well, this are just hopes. Because when this happens I probably won't be there to see it, so hope doesn't have any value either.