Do you know the most frustrating thing about coming out of depression? It's knowing that when you are in a depressed state that the solution is within yourself but you can't be bothered to do anything about it.
You may, (or probably may not) have read a recent 30 days to a new me series I wrote. Well I say I wrote, I got up to day 22 and then found ways not to write anymore.
I was/am still sort of keeping with the structure but I've had a bad day today.
Why today feels worse than the other down days I've had recently? It's coz there isn't a specific reason. The other days I could put it down to
- Pressure at work (potentially imagined pressure in my head)
- Living in a single room.
- Feeling like a failure.
I guess I could feel bad about those things if I wanted to but I don't. In fact I probably shouldn't feel bad about those things. After all
- at least I am earning some money
- At least I'm not homeless
- At least I tried
Whilst those things are true, the justification sounds like excuses for being a loser.