Depression is a term we hear often in today’s society. It is an ailment that is said to affect 15 million American adults and can range from a nuisance to a debilitating adversary. The definition of depression in the world of psychiatry is “a mental condition characterized by feelings of severe despondency and dejection, typically also with feelings of inadequacy and guilt, often accompanied by lack of energy and disturbance of appetite and sleep.”
Depression manifests itself differently depending on the individual, but there are fundamental similarities that are trademark to the condition. For me depression was like a steady and swift storm that washed into my world and left me feeling paralyzed and helpless. I grew up priding myself on being strong and competent so when depression struck, my sudden inability to control when and where panic attacks or bouts of tearfulness were going to strike left me feeling SHAME and INCOMPETENT. Things that used to give me joy no longer did. Life became more of a curse than a blessing. I felt like a marathon runner that no longer got the feel good endorphins that used to motivate me wondering why I was even bothering to put my tennis shoes on. Optimism was like sand between my fingers as a poisonous negative infiltrated and began to take over how I perceived myself and the world around me. The same glass that used to be be half full was now half empty. I could hear the music coming through the speakers but I could no longer feel the beat. The sun would shine on my face but I could no longer feel it’s warmth. Where at one time I would have looked at the sidewalk and only been aware of how beautiful the shadows that danced on the ground as the sun shone through the trees, suddenly all I was aware of was the broken concrete and litter in the ditch.
The world wants to use the phrase mental illness to describe what is ailing you. Society wants you to take a pill and tell you that it will be a lifelong battle. I’m here to tell you that the battle is not meant to be life long. In seeking treatment you may find yourself inundated with a plethora of labels and it is only natural to adopt these and begin to define yourself by them. Unfortunately these labels all come with a negative connotation. A lot work has been done to eliminate the stigma that revolves around it yet it still exists. Herein lies the problem. If you attach yourself to something negative, negative gets a foothold into your life. How you view yourself will be viewed through the glasses that see you as sick, when this is only going to keep you sick. If you define yourself by your illness, you are reducing yourself to a cancer, and I’m here to tell you that you are the cure.
Depression is as spiritual a disease as addiction, they are symptoms. They are causing you grief because your body is begging for you to attend to something that needs your attention. What is it? What in your life needs change? Depression is not a curse, it’s not an illness, its a god given gift. It’s what happens when your senses have spotted danger and it is a fire alarm warning you of it. What an amazing and incredible thing, to learn to communicate with your body. It is your gut telling your that something in your life or world needs you to address it and it is trying to save you from heartache, not accept it and live in it. It is far easier to adopt the world’s quick fix but if depression is the sea, and wellness and balance wait for you on the shoreline, you are making a choice to tread the water when the solution requires you to swim to shore. Look into yourself, an often intimidating task, and find what it is that is causing you’re life to be out of alignment, then MAKE THE CHOICE through ACTION to swim to shore.
Wherever you are in your battle, whether you are fighting it with the worlds tools or seeking freedom from it, I urge you to redefine what you’re depression is. It is NOT who you are nor is it who you were meant to be. It is simply a call for action. You are not bad for experiencing depression. I’ll go as far as to as to say that at this point in our world’s history it is almost impossible to not encounter it. It is hard to find balance in a world that is anything but. Think of yourself as a fighter just showing up to the war and arm yourself with TRUTH to battle the lies that leave you reeling in a tail chasing purgatory of self loathing and irrational guilt. If you are prone to depression think of the empathy that leaves you vulnerable to it as a gift, because IT IS.
We are all given a choice. Despite the varied corners of the world we come from or experiences and traumas and backgrounds and cultures that mold us, we are all AN IMPORTANT part of something much bigger and more amazing than we can imagine. You may call yourself names, but I want you to see yourself as a work of art. You are like the Grand Canyon and life is a river that has molded and carved away at you. It’s hard to see yourself when you are up close and you may only be aware of the crags and sharp edges that make you up, but I am standing back and I can see who you are objectively and the finished product is beautiful, valued and important.
Do NOT give up. DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED. Instead I urge you to arm yourself for battle.
In the next installment of this series I am going to help you get to the root of your depression and as you battle remember that even the worst day is only 24 hours long. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and don’t stop mid process. IT DOES AND WILL GET BETTER.