I've always been someone who people generally view as easy going, opinionated, a bit of a laugh. I suppose I am all of those things but it’s not the whole story. I've suffered from bouts of major depression throughout most of my life alongside long periods where depression hasn't had any relevance in my life at all.
Speaking to someone and having them judge and criticize you is like someone telling you are useless, that you are not a particularly good person and that there is something seriously wrong. Do you not think that we ponder these things ourselves? That we berate ourselves most days for struggling to function in what society deems as a ‘normal’ way?
However, in my experience, there are certain people that you tell who seem to make things so much worse. Opening yourself up to someone is hard. I don’t tend to start my conversations with ‘Hi, I’m Umer, I get stupidly anxious over nothing at all and sometimes just want to hide away’. As you can imagine, I’m sure my conversations would probably end there.
Speaking to someone and having them judge and criticize you is like someone telling you you are useless, that you are not a particularly good person and that there is something seriously wrong. Do you not think that we ponder these things ourselves? That we berate ourselves most days for struggling to function in what society deems as a ‘normal’ way?
Enter my non-judgmental ear. Someone who has been there for the past 14 years of this weird-and-wonderful-brain-of-mine. Someone who at times struggled desperately to understand, but who listened all the same. That someone I am proud to call my best friend. Over the years she has pushed me onto trains when I have wanted to run screaming, taken me to gigs when I have wanted to hide in the corner, and sat and cried with me when I simply couldn't leave my house.
She is someone who is always at the end of the phone. Who, even if she has nothing to say, will simply listen. Sometimes I don’t want her to say anything, and she knows those moments too. And sometimes she will simply say, ‘I’m sorry, dude. I wish there was something I could do to make it better.’ As a strong Muslim, I know she has always prayed for me, encouraged me and done all she could to be there for me, even in those moments where the answers seem so clear to her. But to me they seem like climbing Everest.
I don’t know what the next ten years will look like, but I know one thing, my non-judgmental ear will be there, providing me with the support that I will never take for granted.
You don’t need to have wise words, you don’t need to have all the answers and you don’t even need to have experienced it yourself. All you need to do is be there. Without judgement. Sometimes with a cup of tea, and more importantly with a hug.
Never underestimate the power of a non-judgmental ear and a hug. I reckon with these two things in your grasp you could really help change the world!