I have done that whole “depression” thing before. I know what it’s like. I’ve essentially gotten over it though and there is only one thing I’ve done differently. Medicine didn’t help. Blaming myself, blaming my “illness” and blaming other people didn’t help. Only one thing helped.
I still have negative thoughts that pop up every day. The difference between myself now and the self destructive mess I used to be is that I don’t bite when those bad thoughts come swimming in front of me. I don’t give them the time of day. I reject them as soon as they pop up. I’d be lying if I said I got it right every time, and never indulged myself in playing the victim or feeling sorry for myself, but I’ve made it a habit to drop thoughts of negativity as soon as I can.
this is my happy face, image link
Creating Good Habits in your Mind
You need to realize, first and foremost, that while you can’t directly control what happens to you, you can control your focus. There is always something positive to focus on. Sometimes it needs to be something general and unrelated to what you are focused on day to day. “At least the weathe is nice today” or “This song is nice, why don’t I listen more carefully”.
Whatever seems like the most pleasant thought at the moment, take it. There are some addictions that mask themselves as the most pleasant thought. Sometimes indulging is ok but at some point you need to stop feeding your addiction because it’s an enabler. Always look for some other thoughts that feel good and take those instead when you find them.
One skill learned from meditation is to how to control your focus. You can do it through sheer force of will too. Write down something to remind you to take your mind of whatever sucks. Put it where you will see it manyctimes throughout the day, and let it snap you out of it and back into the moment whenever you see it.
It helps to read or listen to something daily that reminds you that you are in control of your thoughts. When I look at some “self help” and “spirituality” I feel like “I know that already”, but if you haven’t internalized it to feel it every moment, it still has a purpose. Alan Watts , Abraham Hicks, and Elkhart Tolle are some popular resources if you don’t know where to start. They all focus mainly just on perspective, rather than promising you that you can become a millionaire or getting too deep into new age territory.
Changing your focus doesn’t mean running away
The things that depress you, depress you because your state of mind isn’t strong enough to face them without wavering. As you learn how to bring yourself out of depression and control your own mood, you’ll be able to face whatever was bothering you, and not get knocked down into that toxic kind of thinking. But you need to change your focus long enough to get to that point first, so give yourself room to do so.
You’ll come to realize though, that many of those things that make you feel bad and start you down that downward spiral will actually disappear and that the problems that once bothered you don’t always have the same weight to them.
I feel this daily with physical issues. If I face them when I’m ready to face them I can feel how they are improving. If I focus on them as soon as they come up, often I feel they are getting worse. Last night a problem came up and I felt it wanting to drag me down. I slept early and woke up and the problem is much better than it was last night, my body was just telling me that I needed some rest.
Let this post be a reminded for you too, even if you know all this already!
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Confessions of the Damaged - a collection of short stories
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