I've been looking into the art of living words.
I just came up with this word today, and it was a very calm eureka moment, because I've been questioning what word I can live in each breathe.
and there's some funky words which I'm sure could be elaborated on in each breathe, but in the desperateness of my situation, where I have so much moving within me in each breathe, I really ought to not focus on the wild crazy words and look for what word could suit me best in each breathe.
It's so simple that it is one of those things that would be easily overlooked seeking to make things more harder then they need to be as if I have to struggle and suffer more to really earn some release.
I already wrote it out some, but I realized I really got to dig into this word and put more focus onto it then I have been other words I've been looking into, because I really see the potential in this word and how I can prosper from this word moving forward.
I'm already always being directive in my breathing, where I always direct myself to focus on breathe focus on the physical in breathe, I just need that little extra space to develop myself, where I'm here, I'm breathing, now what? And that's when i immediately start to stray and then have to drag myself back and that pattern repeats often.
Stillness is infinite, anything is possible in the stillness, I don't need to think or intervene, stillness is to just breathe and let be, let things flow, be natural, no need to interject the force and energy of my mind, to let myself and my beingness just ripple out of the stillness the silence.
The problem is that i want to control, I want to interject, even though I've seen how much problems that's made for me I refuse to let go and just let be.
That's where forgiveness comes in so I can further expand my living of this word, and give it some further definition, and myself some further direction of what living this word looks like.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to live and express within the word stillness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire some more exciting word even though this is the perfect word I've been looking for after years.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself saying I'm looking for a solution for what moves within me when I refuse the solution when it's the best solution I can come up with because it isn't exciting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my solution of living the word still because it doesn't bring stimulation to my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to betray myself by turning down my solution because it strikes me as boring.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn down a good life for myself out of paranoia that I can't exist in stillness I need more than that to survive in this world.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust that I can encompass other words within this stillness where stillness wouldn't be the only thing I'm living just a main word to develop and focus on as a pocket word a fall back a pillow to lay down on whenever I'm tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word stillness because this is a wild world and you need to be quick and witty and selfish and loud to have money and power.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to betray giving myself the gift I've been seeking for years out of assuming that I won't be able to function if I don't suffer words that are corrosive and ill defined just to give me an edge on the competition as my other human being equals.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear moving myself to success in life and the system while living the word stillness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I won't be able to think and obsess over things If I'm busy living the word stillness and quietness focusing on what needs to get done and being matter of fact.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trade the word stillness to support myself over my obsession over thinking about things as if that's got some hidden gold value that I don't see yet.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the truth behind living the word stillness that I don't need to analyze things and obsess over things but just do what must be done and give myself a living word platform for my development in life and process equally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my dreams if I'm busy creating myself and living words where I'd then trade my real dreams for fake dreams as self cruelty and victimization.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear seeing things with more clarity if I constantly work on and develop myself within the word still.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what if I get that itch and really want to think or dream or obsess over something where this is the times when I make or break the word and my living it more then any other time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the perceived power that I'd be giving up to give my life to a word as to live a word for the rest of my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the responsibility for my words and actions that would come with living a word in each breathe where the impact and resonating nature of my words and actions would become more clear when living a word so much in each breathe.
When and as I see myself making up justifications to not jump into this word and take it on as a gift to myself and as solution I've been seeking for a long time, I stop, I breathe, I realize in living this word I'm doing the same thing I've always been doing and seeking for the same thing I've always been thinking and I'm afraid because it makes me question my real agenda behind years of my life and process, thus, I commit myself to take the leap no matter how much I fall or get lead astray within living the word STILLNESS in each breathe.
I further redefine stillness as to be unmoved by anything of separation to be one with and developing within natural forces.
A good example that comes to mind is when wind blows through the tress and then you go silent in that moment taking in that breeze...
Say you're sitting on a bench and you'd think with no wind should be more silent, but infact with the wind it's actually more silent more still, even though it is louder, the wind makes you come back to yourself and makes you more still, where otherwise you were thinking because there was no room for self to move and create and be assertive even if you were breathing because otherwise you're in a trance or meditating and just don't realize it.
So in this example it's clear how the wind makes room for stillness within self in a natural coming to waking up way, like waking up from whatever you were anxious or thinking and about and moving into the expression of stillness quiet of mind but living and expressing whatever possible infinitely in that word of stillness, physically allowing the body to heal and expand and do whatever it should have been doing if not possessed by mediation and trance and delusion.