I had been enduring my rather wretched condition for most of my time being a dialysis patient and I had been one for about 19 years now and I never had really achieved the ease that I needed and wanted due to financial constraints because had I got the money to give myself the best healthcare out there then I would have stayed in the hospital like it was my apartment.
But I am still trying to stretch my finances just enough for me to survive but not live life as intended, to live it normally without much pains and discomfort. But that is my life really, I am full of pain and discomfort, sometimes I just chose to sleep even though I could not achieve a normal sleep pattern so that I could be able to avoid reality and pass the time.
Unfortunately sleep doesn't offer me to get away from my problems, it just passes my time for me a bit and when I wake up I would then be greeted with problems, worries, sadness, uncertainties, and pain.
What I am just enjoying in my life is the love for me by the people who cares for me like my parents which is why I thank God for them because it just simply worries me if they are no longer around and I happen to outlive them then I will be left in a precarious situation.
It is just something, a thought that hunts me night and day. But I just have to man-up and face the reality of life because the possibilities that the odds would turn out against me is always the normal thing to happen in my life.
I just now regard life as a concrete jungle where you just have to survive it otherwise you will be left for dead. Now I just have to be more wise and factoring all things before I would come-up for a better solution for my own well-being.
I am always put between a big rock and a hard place regarding my dialysis treatments. I do needed a more frequent sessions but doing so would mean more expenses not only money but time especially for me with two people I am dragging with every dialysis session I am getting.
Plus a more frequent session also depletes my funds faster considering that I only have a limited resource and saved funds. I just do not want to find myself wanting and no one to turn to because I do not like to bother people especially my siblings which are also have a limited financial capabilities.
I might end-up not doing anything and stay in this situation because of my limits especially financially. I hope that my wait to improve my disposition in life will not be too late but if I would rest in peace sooner then I do think that it is just better that way than hoping for a thing that would never come.