***Dear diary, from me, for you ...***
Hehehe, did not feel the time so fast passed. Takes me back to the memory of the million memories we passed. So many stories we have written together and almost finished with the perfect ending. But God has other plans for our story. Maybe God wants to see our story does not stop there. God wants to see that we can make a more beautiful story from this story (someday). I think I'm quite happy to be with you in the hardest time you've ever been through. Until I feel that I am the one who can comfort you from all the doubts and fears you feel at the moment. I think I can take care of you from the kajauhan. Keeping you through a chant of prayer, hopefully you will never disappoint me.
However, it was all wrong. I can not take care of you from afar, I have failed to keep what I have always believed to be my happiness. I feel disappointed, not on this relationship alone. But also to myself. That can not make you happy with me.
Maybe it's my lack of unity, I say who ever hurt you, or maybe my deeds and attitudes that ever upset you. Believe me, I also tried to do the best for you when I was away from you. Honesty, openness, trust that I give may not be enough to convince me that I'm so serious about the relationship I'm living.
I wonder what kind of things do you want from me? Honesty may seem more painful when I know my partner is trying to be honest for something I do not want to know. But for the relationship we are living, which is blocked by the distance not just the tens of kilometers we can still travel, but hundreds of miles so far that allows us not to meet as easily as we think. That honesty is very important for long-distance relationships. I do not want to lie to you in this relationship. I do not want to hurt you in this relationship. I also do not want to make you look rebellious in front of your parents. Believe me, I love you so simple. I do not want to turn you into a rude, stubborn person, I just want to confront you with all my heart and soul. I do not know, I can love you without a question mark.
Honestly, this taste is too great God created for you. So when you leave me I do not know how to let you go. Although you always say enough to come here, because all my efforts will be in vain. But what ever you occasionally think how I felt then, as I bend over the hearts and energies, When you repeatedly throw words that hurt my feelings. Do you know all the burdens I was thinking at the time?** I REALLY LOSE AND I AM VERY INCLUDED.**
Hey, sorry. I can not be that easy doing what you want. Leave you, then forget about you. And it acts as if I accept and is fine. Sorry I can not. I think I'm playing with my feelings as I try to kill you from my memories and feelings. Even if you do not want to go back. I still want to fight for it. Yes! I deserve to fight for what I deserve to strive for. Although out there people think I'm stupid doing things you would never think are important.
Either able or unable, waiting for you in uncertainty, but I will always do while I am still able to do it. Although sometimes sick, sometimes weak, sometimes tired with all these facts, but for the sake of confidence I will do it.
When you ask "What are you looking for from me?", Then honestly from the inside out I am not looking for what you have. I just keep something that makes me comfortable. Because if I was told to choose between the comfortable and the precious, then I would choose a comfortable one. Because the comfortable will never have the price!
Maybe this time or someday you will meet new people, and think that there is a positive side of that person that you do not meet with me. But remember, here I wait for you until the time comes for you to come and bring a certainty. If the path of my destiny has to wait for you, I am willing to spend my time waiting for you. Because you have taught me many things, about life ...
Surviving in these difficult situations, made me sigh a lot. What kind of life does God want to give me? What other problems and trials God wants to testify to me? Why am I always being someone who is always left behind?
** It's not a matter of begging for love, but it's more to work to fight for something worth fighting for, that I'm also not worth fighting for. May Allah grant me the ease to find you again. Easy-my best words to those we love, to your parents, my parents, also to you.**
Still there, stay that way, never changed although I know the heart and mind was shaken storm makes difficulty determine an option. Believe me too, if your faith strong, inshaallah we will always be together. Although this time could not met or just a shake hands because a demands of the future. Although it out here many beautiful women are better than me, more everything from me. I just want to men don't care of it. But one thing you should know, I love with a simple ...
Maybe this is the expression of the liver me to you that, this is that I feel so far 😢
