You're like sun in pouring rain,
everything that keeps me sane.
Every time I hear your voice,
your laughter echoes through my brain
.
You're everything I want, and everything I need
I want to make you smile in a way this world envies
I'll be the angel of your fantasies,
the cause of laughter in your sleep
.
So sexy, so enticing
you're the center of my dreams
Oh god, I love the way you feel
and the way you make me scream
.
Pretty lights and starry nights
don't even compare to the beauty in your eyes
You're even better than the sunset burning fire in the sky
I've been trapped within the darkest times, and you are my sunrise.
I wrote this for the love of my life, maybe a month after we met. It was like love at first sight, as cliche as it sounds. He told me his name and it rang like music in my head and I mean that absolutely literally. It was like my soul recognized his in a way that sincerely made me believe in God again. At the time I was deeply addicted to Xanax, a stripper living in a toxic home with another addict. When I met Aaron, everything changed. He was a recovering heroin addict with five years of sobriety under his belt and he was so happy; and I wanted that. I wanted to remember him, I wanted to know everything about him but I couldn't remember a thing when I was on Xanax. So I quit cold turkey, shaking uncontrollably on every date. He was worth it. Within the first week of knowing him, I repaired my relationship with my father, whom I hadn't spoken to in over 2 years. My mom finally had her family back, I was getting sober, I was happy.
The place I was living started to become increasingly more toxic at an alarming rate, but my roommate was my best friend, my soul sister. I had met her in jail during a 6 month stretch, sober and exceptional. Her soul was the most beautiful soul I'd ever come in contact with and I didn't want to leave her. Her mother asked me to watch out for her and make sure she didn't miss her methadone in the morning, and it put a lot of pressure on me. I felt responsible for her recovery in a way, and it became a weight that held me in a place that was extremely dangerous to my mental state. We were toxic to each other, and I knew that but I couldn't make the decision to leave. So one night after work, I asked her friend to drop me off at Aaron's. Long story short, we were pulled over, I was arrested, and sentenced to 45 days in jail.
Still coming off of Xanax, the withdrawals had me suicidal and homicidal all at once. Perhaps I'll write about that another time... I assumed God hated me, he gave me something amazing and stole it before I could really hold it. But I was wrong. Aaron stayed. He waited for me, paid to talk to me on the phone every single day... My jail sentence then became an act of Divine Intervention. I couldn't step up and make a decision about my living arrangements, so God took over and did it for me. He erased all the garbage from my life and only left with me with the people I needed most. My family... and Aaron. I wrote this for him, waiting for the day I could finally hold him again, cheesing like a school girl every time I heard his voice and 3 years later I still feel the same. He's my soulmate and I stay falling. The first person in my life actually worthy of a poem.