Hi, guys!
Today I woke up with the feeling that I had been waiting for all the last week. I think the muscle weakness has finally come to recede means the side effects of lithium are getting milder. It is not yet known how long I will have to live with them, because in any case, the doctor and I have not yet received this dose, which should be. In other words, the street is a therapeutic dose, there is a dose that is insufficient for a therapeutic effect, and there is a toxic dose. That is why, when treating with this drug, it is necessary to constantly donate blood for the concentration of lithium in the blood.
Don't do it once yet, but it seems to me that this is not such a big price for well-being. And I really hope that this does not fit in the end and the side effect will disappear. Because in fact, the doctor and I have nowhere to retreat, we are left behind with Lamictal, Valprokom and Carbamazepine, that is, we no longer have normotimics that we could try, which could be milder, and which could provide a visible improvement. This is certainly sad, but nevertheless it seems to me that my whole life has gone away, maybe from the very beginning it was worth trying the first-line drugs. Although now the doctor told me that this is no longer the first-line drug in the treatment of bipolar disorder, but the hospital said that it is. Damn it, maybe they first agree between each other and then start treating?
Now there are some things that need to be focused on, but which I do not yet know how to do, and it turned out that the first of them is how to pull myself together and start returning to normal life. Fortunately tomorrow I will have an hour of conversation with my illustrator Guru Yana Frank and I plan to ask her these questions. Usually she always knows what to say, how to cheer up and how to inspire so that a person can live on. This beautiful woman herself survived cancer at the age of 30 with two relapses and recovered from them, and knows many different ways to stay afloat even in the most difficult situation.
All that I have so far been able to master on my own is daily walks. Yes, I was able to return to them, my dog is very happy. Right now, in fact, when I write this post, we are walking with her and she is playing with her four-legged friends. This wonderful observation of animals always inspires me, I love them very much, I love my dog very much, and I love her friends very much. But I need something that will also motivate me to return to music and especially drawing, because in the end this is my job. Since Yana is an illustrator herself, I think she can tell me how to get this thing back on track.
There is one point in which I was able to pull myself together. For example, and finally signed up for a psychotherapist. I have never met this particular woman, but I hope that the session will go well. For the simple reason that I have nowhere else to go. In fact, not everyone takes me, in order to work with people like me, you need a person with a medical education, that is, at least a clinical psychologist, and not just a psychologist who has studied the theory. But I was not able to find such a woman and on Tuesday we have to meet her for the first time. I really hope that everything will go well, because finding a psychotherapist is something that took me a lot of time, and if it doesn't suit me, then I'm afraid that I will have to search for a long time again.
See you in the next post!
Love, Inber