Failed to get into art school
When I was younger, around 13 or 14 years old, I wanted to become an artist. I applied to the art school but I failed to get in. I was just below the application line with only three people above me. At the time I was crushed. I was sad. Something within me forbid me to draw for years after that.
Recovery
Few years later I got over it and I started drawing again. It was good, I had fun and I learned a lot. However, something was weighing me down. I didn't know what it was at the time.
I was under a lot of pressure and the one pressuring me the most was in fact me. I was nitpicking. I looked for flaws in my drawings. I got frustrated a lot when I made mistakes and it was the cause to take breaks from drawing. I was stubborn, foolish and I got riled up. So there I was, going through ups and downs, drawing and not drawing, the cursed cycle that I fought against.
Army time
Yeah, I was serving for 10 months which later became 9 months. I had fun being there but it was mostly as I didn't find it that difficult. It wasn't hard for me, nor it was straining or impossible to overcome. I believe you need to adapt and learn how to get by.
I was drawing a lot then. Whenever I had time to do so when I wasn't on duty or singing in choir. My mind was empty and I was often so tired that I wasn't thinking. I doodled then, and I doodled a lot. Unfortunately those drawings were often gifts as I had nothing else to give to those people around me that I liked.
Steemit challenge
Late june I joined steemit community and decided to challenge myself. I had a sweet looking sketchbook and I decided to draw every day for a month. You can see those older posts if you wish to scroll down. I tried so hard to do it and not to fail. It took a lot of concentration and willpower. I was under a lot of stress. There was also fear that I'll ruin that sketchbook. While doing that I stumbled upon this line in a tutorial video I've watched: "allow yourself to fail". I thought about those words for quite some time. I've continued with the challenge, stressing out, feeling the pressure building up and then one day something clicked.
Realization
I made a mistake while drawing and I looked at it and said to myself: "huh, well here I go again" and I started to smile. That had never happened before. I have redone the drawing and made two or three more versions of the same thing but I just liked the first one the most. Then I realized that you need to learn to let yourself fail. Let the perfection go. It was true. I mada a mistake and I didn't get frustrated. I was happy. I realized that now drawing brings me joy and happiness. That's something I wish I knew when I failed applying to that school. It took me a lot of time to realize that.
What now?
Now I draw a lot. I also take short breaks and do other things that I'm interested in. Last week I've got a great opportunity within steem community. I'll talk more about it when I do the initial work and when I have something finished. I'll definitely make a post about that.
I've also had few gigs in real life. They are both done and I'm happy. I had to learn new things in order to do them, but it was fun. And there is Inktober. Another challenge for myself where I'm able to try and do silly things every day. So far I've played with various colored inks and applying them to my drawings (I've used old writing pens, cotton swabs, fountain pens), pencils, cross hatching and ideas. I just love playing with it and learning what works and what doesn't.
I like drawing cute stuff as you can see from the photo:
In the middle you can see the old steel dip pen my dad used when he was a kid. It's scratchy, you can set it's width by small wheel on the side by loosening it or tightening it. On the side there are my liners (0.05, 0.3, 0.5 and 1.0), my technical pencils (one soft and one hard - because I don't like to swap the core), various inks of different colors (I have 8 colors) and my sketch pad which I use as working pad to draw.
The future?
I'll keep doing what I do. I'll share my tips and tricks. I will post my drawings for all those people who are interested. I also plan to become more active here on stemit and to curate more - but I'm restricted by my free time. I'm forming a plan to curate art and creativity (written or drawn) as much as I can.
I may do a challenge as well but so far I have no idea what it should be about - lets go slow and steady.
I plan to gather greater following than I have now. I would like to have more active followers which are interested in art or learning, or both. I would like to show people what can be done if you put in a little work. Just an hour a day and you don't need more.
I do what I love doing and slowly other things are fitting into its rightful place. Everything is starting to make sense to me and I'm a lot happier.
Right now I'm at the point where steemit provides me with enough funds so that I can fuel my creativity. It's not a lot, I can get me a few colored pencils here and there, I have enough for a cheaper sketchbook. That's all I need right now and I would like to thank all of you that made it happen.
With time I would like to get to the point where I get more and where I would be able to pay the rent, and other bills and to have some spare cash for my art supplies. That is my dream and my end goal. That is what I'm working for. It will take time and effort but I am working towards that goal patiently.
My advice to those who want to become artists
You don't need expensive stuff to become an artist! You don't need high profile schools (they can help, but they are not essential, there are a lot of tutorials available, and they are free)!
All you need is a piece of paper, one pencil, determination to learn and knowledge that it is perfectly fine to fail drawing something exactly as you see it in your mind.
It is perfectly normal and try not to stress about it. Don't compare yourself with artists that have been drawing for years, you're not them. They have more experience, they know more tricks,they went through what you're going through now. You will get there but you need to draw, you have to learn, you need to practice. That can only be done through time. With time you'll learn tricks and things will become more natural and you'll get better. Don't give up!
Put your heart into it. Have fun with it. Try out everything you can imagine and just have fun. Trust me, it's not that difficult, it's just time consuming.
Start doing what you love, do things that are creative and fun and you'll feel better.
