I was sitting in coffeeshop yesterday. It started raining. I watched people around walking into the shops to wait until clouds pass. We were going to go inside, when Rachil said she doesnt want go inside, because they will kick her out. I said we have just bought goods, so we can sit here. Everybody is able to hide inside until rain passes. Its reciprocity and generosity. She still wanted to smoke one splif to feel comfortable and not being kicked out. We visitet shelter in center of Amsterdam. One one locked. Second one was in arranging session. There was a lot of food on one big table surrounded by lot of chairs. Something was going to be happening there. There was also an altar for priest of speach. Rachil asked for help. She asked if we can sleep somewere and where they accept us. The religious lady told her the shelters accept only citizens and there is a waiting list. And she is sorry. Then she kept watching on us with sad face. Rachil turned around and left, saying: what did she help us with..." We were sitting on a street. The street was full of erotic shops, businesses. I was looking at Rachil as she was having state in mind. She is not giving up. She started calculating actions. And her shadows were turned on too. Typical shadow rollercoaster i experienced. I had to go through mine too. She said, you are an anchor to me, I can do better by myslef. Go to Italy. I said, if its truth you just follow it and i will help you do your job more effciently somehow. I dont know what to do, as i was not taught what to do. I was taught as everyone else how to live IN society, being integrated slave. Now we are in a city, that is tempting with fake attractions and promises of ,,best life" and nobody cares about us. And doesnt want to help us. I feel i lost everything in my life. And all other people have more than we do. I thought we will die with purity here. I was in a state of doing nothing, just watching and knowing that time brings me an idea what to motivate myself into. Rachil was thinking actually what to do. She was right what action steps to take. Find internet. Continue doing our job. We went through reality check and reality of realm of surrounding - as i call it. We were happy to get into the bed and sleep again. We managed wet blanket. It was not useable. We did not complain. We had strength to go to sleep. I appretiated we were not in shadows. The knowing that society is in probability careless, makes you having energy for yourself. Natural management of knowing where to not put energy to. You keep energy for yourself as the energy stays inside you and is being comming back to source and you find new ways how to spread it.