Image taken from Pixabay
I went to sleep at 9 pm (strange since I usually go to sleep at 5 am) and I woke up at 12 am. When I woke up, I felt as if a voiceless voice was telling me through actions that she was going to wake me up, that I would be coming back later.
I usually feel like my life is made of crystal stages, solid, they are not smooth but clear cut. So when I am awake, I'm in "awake stage" and when I'm asleep, it's "asleep stage" and they are both very clearly defined. But when I woke up today, I felt as if my life were a cloud, dark pink against a dark blue space. I felt as if I were being pushed, floating, through this cotton-candy-like matter.
I opened my eyes very softly and the world felt different, as if the stages weren't clear-cut but mixed, with feathered edges. I felt as if I had been in the voice's domain and now she was putting me in another domain, like a box within a box, yet it didn't feel like entrapment but belonging.
I felt at that moment as if my life were going to change. It probably isn't and it was just my dreamy state after sleeping for 4 hours at a strange hour, but I felt so comfortable, as if I were floating interdimensionally.
It's funny how we always want to find some mystic meaning to life. Spectres, souls, spirits, gods, fateful beginnings and endings. I'm not immune to that. I'm an eternal sceptic. I usually feel like believing in the supernatural is against everything rational, and I still wouldn't, but I felt, when I woke up, that I was not the one who woke up, but someone who just pushed me into this state which is not really consciousness but existence somewhere else.
And in the end consciousness and unconsciousness are the same. When we sleep, our brains stay active, just in different ways. When we're awake, we perceive differently and our minds are more focused on analysing external stimuli, and when we're asleep we're in a reflection mode, seeing towards the inside. What we have inside the subconscious part of our brain is still from the outside. It's memories, learned behavious, neural connections formed from what we thought of what we saw.
I can now understand all of those people who claim that dreams are journeys to other planes, that we travel through time, that we are more "trascendent", "meaningful". Don't we always look for deeper meanings? Storms brought by angry gods, harvests brought by happy gods, karmic punches and kisses traveling through time. And when we dream, we don't pay attention to the material world, to what surrounds us, to our scepticisms and beliefs. We just let ourselves go and we believe everything that our brain tells us. Then we wake up and we realise that we believed something irrational, something strange, but we believed it still.
Against cognitive dissonance, we can find all sorts of justifications, and in the end, despite everything that I have said, despite the rejection I find against the beliefs in the supernatural and the divine (in my mind, one and the same), I feel like it's absolutely beautiful to belong somewhere else, somewhere "above" or "beyond" our imaginations. Perhaps if we did know such a plane, it would become mundane in no time, but since it's mysterious and so warm, fluffy, beautiful and lovely, it's an attractive idea.
I would love to be the daughter or friend of the owner of this voice, though it seemed more like a master-slave relationship. I wouldn't want to be her slave. Nonetheless, it was very pretty. I woke up happy and comfy. I closed my eyes on my bed and didn't get up. I just relished the feeling, travelled it with my mind, explored the cloudy fringes and the memories of being softly pushed into this airtight reality where things are clearer than in the mystic realm of dreams. I felt as if I were going to feel like this forever, like my life was going to have less-clear boundaries and deeper feelings of being in forest clears, in tiny clear oases in a world of fog.
I would love to dream more about this, or to feel it more. Let's hope it happens, though I find it unlikely. I very rarely dream the same thing twice or continue previous dreams.