I dream almost every night. I don't know why that is but I enjoy that this is the case. For the most part my dreams are not frightening in a monster-chasing-me type way. Some of them are just nonsensical situations which I end up having magical powers such as the power of flight or the ability to shoot fireballs out of my hands and what not.
Most of my dreams are more practical and so real to life that, and I am a little ashamed to admit this, so realistic that I have been guilty of confusing things that happened while I was asleep with actual events in my real life. I have asked friends about certain things that "happened" only to have them not understand what I am talking about at all because said event didn't really happen... it was just in my mind while I was in REM mode.
There is one thing that I frequently dream of though and I find it very disturbing and this part of the dream fills me with so much dread that when I wake up I experience a tremendous sense of relief once I realize that it was all in my head and not something that actually happened to me. It might not seem traumatic to a lot of you out there but it is devastating to me.
I was a smoker for nearly 25 years. This was something that was borderline acceptable when I started at the ripe young age of 15. While my parents were no doubt aware of the fact that I was doing it, they didn't make a big deal about it because this was the 80's and if you were alive then, you probably remember that it was a very different world back then in regards to cigarettes: You were allowed to smoke basically everywhere, even on airplanes. This all seems completely absurd now of course but there was a time when if you wanted to light up in the lobby of a hospital there were ashtrays basically everywhere. I recall seeing people grocery shopping with a ciggie hanging out of their mouths while they perused the canned tuna.
Nowadays if you smoke at all you probably have to go outside and be far away from any entrance to buildings and what not. Where I live now in Vietnam, you can basically smoke wherever you want but if you live in Canada, USA, Australia, or basically anywhere in the western world you are treated like a leper if you smoke.
I have at multiple times in my life quit smoking, many of those times I quit for months and in the worst situation I quit smoking for 2 years only to get sucked right back into the habit. I was extremely pissed off at myself for that slip. If you have ever been a smoker you know how damn-near-impossible it is to quit. Those who have never smoked will never understand this struggle and probably view it as a weakness but I know first-hand exactly how difficult it is.
There was an episode of X-Files where they stated that quitting smoking is more difficult than giving up heroin. I have no idea if that is an actual statistic but I know from my own life experience that it is tough, damn tough.
Which brings me back to my recurring nightmare.
In my dream, I decide to smoke a cigarette or two. This happened to me on various occasions in my actual life and in all of those instances those "just a few ciggies" always resulted in me becoming a regular smoker again. I would delude myself into thinking that I was "only going to smoke during drinking beer or having a coffee" but that road always lead back to being a pack a day smoker.
I smoked for nearly the entire time I lived in Thailand as well and this was a lot easier to do because unlike in the west, they don't tax the bejesus out of the satan sticks in an effort to encourage people to quit. Here in Vietnam, cigarettes are less than $1 a pack so there is basically no financial incentive to stop for anyone.
Despite these barriers, I quit smoking in February 2 years ago and I haven't touched them since, nor do I feel compelled to do so. However, I know from my missteps in the past that all ex smokers are just 1 or 2 ciggies away from being a full-fledged addict again. Smoking is not something that you can just dabble in for most people. It's an all or nothing activity.
I regularly dream that I smoked a couple cigarettes and I wake up angry at myself because I know how hard or damn-near-impossible it is to break that habit once you are back in, especially in a country where there are almost no restrictions on where you can smoke and participating in the habit is nearly cost-free.
Perhaps it is a strange thing to dream about but I am actually happy that it happens because it constantly reminds me about how terrible a habit smoking is and how easy it is to get sucked back in. There might be some psychological thing behind this as well. Like a passive defense mechanism in my brain.
Now, in an attempt to encourage dialogue in the comments I would like to know if you struggled with quitting smoking or if you have any sort of recurring dreams at all.