I just had a dream where I was kicking my father’s ass.
He was some kind of film producer pimp kinda dude and he invited me to join his crew on television or something. He ordered some people to pimpify me unknowing to me.
I just remembered that [lady 1] was there, and she was hiding from me because of how I verbally attacked her.
Then the guys began to change what I was wearing and they wanted to work on my hair. I told my father I didn’t like these changes, I questioned whether they were necessary and that they couldn’t cut or change my mohawk. He alluded I needed to be more manly and these changes were good. I was still apprehensive and becoming resentful about having to be in this position. Then finally the crew got to my hair and my dad stated they were only gonna wash it and shape it. They got a hot comb and straightened one tiny piece, which upset me and I warned them they better not straighten or cut my hair. My dad responded "of course not they will not" and then he nodded at them. This nod was a que and with the scissors they chopped off a good chunk of my mohawk.
This set me off and I came after my dad attacking him and pounding him with all my might. It was like that fight scene in Die Hard where Bruce is pounding the other dude saying “I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you”. I totally beat my dad down making sure to get him in the nuts a couple times, and then I got up and started walking away leaving through the front door of the house.
This ass beating wasn’t good for his boss man rep so he got back up and I could hear him talking with the crew that he was gonna have to show me what happens to people who disobey. As I knew he was coming after me again I picked up a heavy glass jug aiming it at the door to hit him with it. He opened the door and I tossed the jug hoping to hit him in the head to knock him out or better yet just kill him.
I missed, and stood there a second upset with myself for my poor sense of aim.
This was time he needed that he started coming after me from the porch to the lawn brandishing a whip, a belt or something. But somehow I got right past his attempts at me and started pounding him again. This time though I was on a mad rampage of trying to destroy his nuts and make him sorry for having them. There happened to be some scissors on the lawn, I think the same ones that chopped my hair, and I picked them up to chop off his testicles.
This was the point I could no longer stand watching and I woke up. I am still here feeling such pain and resentment, and I know these thoughts and feelings are coming up because I feel I am not worthy and dangerous as I prepare to let any person in. I think about running away a lot before I can be rejected or before I could hurt or just be a boring useless experience for whomever that person(s) is.