Have a Dream You're Afraid to Pursue? Read this.

Photo caption: this post started as an artsy way to share some shots of my glass blowing work studio and ended as an artsy way to share something personal

I’m not very good yet at being thankful for the things I have and so far have accomplished.

I currently spend so much time freaking out about the fact that I have so much to do and so little time.

I feel I spend too little time on the important things, like having gratitude for the fact that I have so much I want to do with my time. I’ve made boredom an impossibility, which was always a goal of mine as a kid.

Some people go through their entire lives just bored, waiting for something or someone to happen. When that something or someone does happen there’s never the appreciation for it that there should be and that’s a problem because that’s the first step to losing what you want. I know this because I spent most of my life bored, until I became an adult and the crazy whirlwind that’s become my life has started.

I’ve met so many people in the last several years who tell me I’m lucky for the situation I’m in and I’ve always laughed at it because, honestly, who the fuck wants to be on the run far from home and everything they know without something driving them away?

Something I didn’t pick up on is my situation brings me a sense of freedom most don’t have. We risked it all including our freedom by going on the run to Mexico instead of facing ridiculous cannabis charges in the states. That one thing has set me up for what I’m really lucky to have, the courage to do what I want even if its not easy.

What holds people back from their dreams more than ANYTHING else is the fear that it’ll go wrong and one good thing about having a lot of things go wrong in your life is that you get used to it, you no longer fear it which is the first step to moving past it. This is my daily struggle.

I’ve spent most of my life in school and under the protection of other people. From my parents now to John I’ve relied on people in my opinion more then necessary. In some ways I’ve hurt myself with this practice and it’s starting to catch up with me. And I hate living like this, nothing is worse than waiting for someone else to provide something you desperately need.

Things aren’t easy for me right now guys but for the first time I’m okay with that. So long as I still have the freedom to keep working I’ll keep trying. I didn’t come all this way and I haven’t gone through all that I have to just give up now.

And every time I feel bad about my past of boredom I remember that I’ve got so much stuff I want to be doing RIGHT now that I have the ability to. Glassblowing is one of the biggest things in that regard because it’s always been my dream and there have always been huge hurdles in the way of that dream, most recently myself and bad excuses.

If you’ve got the tools (literally or figuratively) to do what you love and you aren’t, I’m here to tell you you’re only failing yourself. Now before you get upset about that (like I usually do), remember that means that the only person you’ve got to depend on to fix it is yourself. For me, thats a comfort because if there’s one thing I’ve grown to hate its being totally dependant on others.