You must WANT to give up whatever behavior is harming you!
Through my life experience I have come to the conclusion that the only way that you can totally and permanently give up any vice or negative behavior, is the want to actually do it. To experience the negative aspects that your vice will eventually impact on you is the biggest incentive that I experienced.
I smoked cigarettes and drank alcohol while smoking pot on a daily basis. I literally was never straight.
I had taken part in this behavior from my early teens to my implosion at the age of 30.
Life was great just before my shock and it totally came out of left field. I worked as an express delivery driver for a large trucking company. I created art in my spare time and sold it at the local markets every Sunday.
I had at that stage a beautiful wife and gorgeous 2 year old daughter. I got to the stage that I would never be straight. When I woke up in the morning I would have a couple of cones and off to work I would go. As soon as I came home I would have another couple of cones and start creating my Mirror art.
It was not obvious to me at the time that I was abusing my Pot smoking habit. I thought this is what most pot smokers did. It is just something that you did not question. If it makes you feel good and in my case very creative, you just loaded up and kept on doing it.
The start of my detox journey started in the most unlikely way.
I had just come up from downstairs preparing my art pieces ready for the next day’s market displays. It was time to have a shower and grab the bong and a beer and sit down to my favorite 4x4 adventure show. Life was great and I had no stress what so ever. About half way through the show I started to feel as if I was really struggling to breath. This is a very scary and confronting feeling that ultimately was the catalyst of my habitual lifestyle.
With the pressure on my chest getting heavier, and my breath starting to get erratic I called for my wife to call an ambulance. It is a very scary situation when you can’t breathe and then the panic sets in. After 10 Minutes or so I started to re-gather my abilities, reduce the panic to think clearer and breathe normally. The ambulance arrived and checked me out. Of cause nothing was then evident that anything was wrong which then made me feel confused to what had just happened.
The ambulance driver suggested that I get checked out at the hospital. So I went for the ride. 5 hours later in the emergency ward, OMG! A doctor ripped back the curtain of my cubical that I was placed in. After only seconds of an examination, the doctor shouted “why is this guy taking up a bed?” Get him out. Wow! I left with no explanation of what had happened to me that afternoon.
The next day started as it always had with a couple of cones and off to the markets. All again was well for a few more weeks but the previous experience still lingered in my thoughts. My wife had just given birth to my wonderful son. With my wife and new son in the hospital and me looking after my daughter at home, it was time to go visit my new son and dear wife.
I got my daughter ready, and in the car we set off. The plan is to go to the local Kmart and pick up some flowers, and a small gift. I was so proud and feeling great. As my little daughter and I parked in the car park, we were very excited. Entering the shops we scanned around for just the right present. I stood on a rubber mat on the floor entering the garden section while holding my daughters hand. At that moment I became unbalanced and began to start having trouble breathing again. I could not go on. “Come darling” I said to my daughter. “I feel weird, and we have to go.” So with no present or flowers we left the shops. I was very distraught and my daughter was confused that we had left without getting a present and flowers for mummy and her new baby brother. We sat in the car for awhile to compose myself with my daughter trying to help me. What was happening to me!
After a lot of discussion and some research and evaluation, my wife and I had come to the conclusion that I was having panic attacks. Doctors just started to push the antidepressant drugs upon me which I had started taking. That was a mistake. Masking one drug with another. Another panic attack set in and I could not breathe. I honestly thought I was going to die! It was that confronting. They were happening more frequent now.
The thought of putting a cigarette in my mouth or having a joint or cone scared the hell out of me. The feeling of not being able to breath is a very powerful deterrent! I stopped smoking pot, cigarettes, drinking alcohol and prescribed medication cold turkey! Holey crap! My body started basically going into withdrawal after a decade and a half of abuse.
I had to find a way to function! It was suggested to me that I see a local, very popular nephropathy practitioner. This man was a legend. He was 67years old but looked like 40. He was an ex Vietnam veteran and had been through hell himself. He understood what was happening to me immediately and pulled no punches. With concoctions of wild flowers and herbs that I administered under my tongue with an eye dropper, the journey began. The mix would calm me down to control my panic attacks and the rest was a full change of diet to natural foods and no alcohol or drugs.
The journey was very hard and extremely confronting lasting at least two years. Panic attacks at night and trying to keep them under control was one of the hardest things I have ever done they lasted for hours. I lost my job and I’m sure if I did not have my wife probably would have lost my life.
You must be ready and fully committed to giving up what ever it is that you must free yourself from. You must be aware that if you do not give major and serious attention to giving up cigarettes, pot, alcohol or any other drugs or behaviors that are pulling you in a direction of destruction, eventually there is a hospital bed waiting for you. They are full of us who do not take action now! If leaving your family and friends on this earth prematurely does not spark a fire in your consciousness, cover your nose and mouth for as long as you can and feel what it is like to not be able to breath.
Friends, thank you for reading a small part of my journey.
You are stronger than you think, and you are capable of anything!!
You MUST want to give up, or it will be just an ongoing thing in the back of your mind until it is forced upon you. And then it could be too late!
