Out of all the experiences I have had with drugs, I have decided to write about this one today. This was one of my most powerful, confusing, and "meaningful" that I have had in life.
It is a recurrent dextroverse event I refer to as The Blue Room.
I first encountered the Blue Room when I was 18 years old. I had been incarcerated in a Behavior Modification school in Utah called Cross Creek academy child prison (a subject I will write about in the future) and I had just left on my birthday. My parents were no longer supporting me so I had elected to take a Greyhound back to Florida and, of course, my first decision was to aquire DXM.
The setting was a bus station in downtown Denver. The dosage was 20 CCC pills, taken in the restroom. I had been walking around for around an hour and felt no appreciable effects yet so I sat down at a table inside the station to watch the news. Very shortly after I sat down, the Dex hit me all at once. My tolerance was as low as it had ever been as I had been in Cross Creek for over a year.
I looked at the screen for as long as I could before finally resting my head on the table and closing my eyes. Within seconds, the Blue Room materialized in my vision for the first time. Every time I saw it, it always looked the same. The walls were off white, crown molding traced the ceiling, floor, and corners. Everything in the room appears as if you were looking through blue-tinted glasses. This time, my vision was focused on the brown crown molding where the wall meets the ceiling. I couldn't look away from that spot. All the while, Chris Matthews was talking with his guests about President Obama. Then I opened my eyes and it was over.
At this point I thought nothing of the Blue Room and I didn't encounter it again until over a year later. It happened again as I sat in a Whataburger with some friends of mine who were all sober. Once again, I felt the overwhelming urge to put my head down and close my eyes, revealing the blue room once again. It looked exactly the same except this time, 3 shelves were hanging on the wall. The bottom two shelves held some of my childhood toys, model planes and similar things while the top shelf was empty. My mind was entirely separated from true reality and was now entirely focused on what was supposed to be on the TOP SHELF?
At this moment I felt an unbelievable presence come close to me, something I couldn't see or hear but it was connected to my mind and "soul". After a few seconds a small dot appeared to the bottom right of my vision field, in such a place that it was impossible to look at, it moved out of center every time I tried to look upon it. The closest representation I can find is this picture, oddly it is similar to Ketamine user's representation of the K-Hole:
The dot was so much more than that though. It was beginning to speak with me, not in a normal way but almost through my thoughts. He didn't say hello, I just knew he was there and he was alive. I asked "Who are you?" to which he replied, "You know who I am." And at that moment, I FELT the Precense of God. As an atheist, this was confusing in hind sight but in that moment I never doubted, never questioned, I just accepted him. It wasn't like someone telling me they were God, it was like feeling with every fiber of my brain and body, this is God speaking to me.
I asked him, speaking through our connection, the first question I could think of: "What goes on the top shelf?"
Dot: "I don't know but you know."
I asked again.
Dot: "I don't know but you know."
I asked again several times but He never changed his answer. I thought about it as I stared at the blue tinted shelf. The answer suddenly entered my conciousness. The shelves were my life. The bottom two shelves had already been filled by my childhood, my silly games and toys, my fantasies. The third shelf was empty because it was mine to now fill, just like the lower shelves were empty when I was born. The Blue Room is a metaphysical representation of me and my conciousness, a pariah of my being resting somewhere outside what we can normally see but still as real. I realized that my next shelf can be filled with whatever I choose to fill it with or can never be filled at all. My choices matter and affect things on the other side of reality, within the dextroverse.
When my moment of revelation ended I looked for God but he was gone now. The connection was snuffed out. Something told me it was time to open my eyes so I lifted my head and reentered the lobby of the fast food resturant. My friend sitting one seat over told me I had been unresponsive for about half an hour. But I dared not tell them what I had just seen at that time or they'd think I was crazy, so I resumed normal conversation, saying I had been sleeping. Despite the fact that my mind had been blown in a way that it had never been before.
I will end this writing here for the sake of brevity, but anyone who has made it this far must be on the same wavelength I am, I would guess. I will detail my last encounter with the room in another post.
Tailend: It is not overly clear to me whether this event actually took place in some sort of physical way or if it is just my imagination. I would want to talk with anyone who has had an experience that is in any way similar to this one and perhaps build from there. My theory is that every living human has their own space in whatever realm it is that some of us call "The Dextroverse", their own version of the Blue Room that takes shape based on their actions on this side. I think of it almost like the final scene from movie Interstellar, after Matthew Mcconaughey's character entered the black hole.
Until it is time to write again, I leave you on this side. On the other, we're always nearby.
Willie Boosie