This is the actual sound of my heartbeat taken from the arteriovenous fistula in my arm.
Many years ago when my digital blood pressure is still working, our neighbor who is an old man and suffering from Diabetes came to our house and asked to have his blood pressure checked. I was the one who did it for him and the reading in the blood pressure was not only high but I could see his pulse or heartbeats was very abnormal, he was suffering from arrhythmia, a typical symptom of the heart is failing.
Now it worries me because my heartbeat was just like of that old neighbor of ours who also passed away many years ago already. Now it just worries me that maybe my days are numbered already which sucks because I am just keeping some goals that I might never achieve.
Maybe it is okay to die from a heart condition than being unable to breathe because of extra fluids in the body/lungs which I am currently suffering from. So maybe it is just a grace from God that finally I am more closer to dying and dying in a relatively faster way although I just wanted to die on my sleep.
Well I am really due to dying because of my being in dialysis for more than 16 years now and it did took a toll on my body as you all can see. I am not afraid to die though, it is just I am afraid of the misery just before the actual death so I just want a fast death where I will not know when it will come.
It is funny that I still have the longing to live, it is because I like the challenge of life to see if I could take myself off from my health problems and I still want to see what the other day will bring but if God would say that it will be my final day on this or that particular day then who am I to protest, it is still cool, nothing I could say but this life had been so interesting for me.
► Listen on DSound
► Listen from source (IPFS)