Only today I realized that this year I had two breakups. Before the New year I especially want to let go of the unnecessary and clean up.
How to clean our emotions? To speak out, to describe it in a personal diary, to make some symbolic action that will confirm to us that these emotions we have experienced and let go.
And, of course, to thank life, God, people, ourselves for all this we have received as a valuable experience.
So, I decided to talk it out here and thus help myself to survive and complete what has already been completed.
This year, finally, ended my very strange relationship with a guy with whom we then converged, then parted three years in a row.
It was the person whom I very much loved and didn't want to release, three times came back to him. I especially liked him because he had similar spiritual aspirations, I liked how smart and competent he was in his field, and I liked his looks.
He is a good person, positive and I think we were good for each other. But something was in his attitude towards me, which from the very beginning said that the family will not work out of this. You know, there are people who are not ready to build a family, no matter how old they are. Now, he was one of those people.
We parted, but still there were hope. I thought I was perfectly calm about it, and I thought I was free. We continued to correspond sometimes, as friends. But I was very worried when he said he was starting a new relationship with another girl. I was in a lot of pain and all I thought about for a week was this. It seemed to me that it's not supposed to hurt me, but I was very worried.
Fortunately, the experience soon ended. And another story began. In my life just at this moment there was another person who I liked. We communicated every day, confidentially and emotionally. We learned a lot of good things about each other and something not very pleasant.
Then we started dating. But it was difficult because we live in different cities. I was very attracted to this person, he is a smart and interesting man, I really liked our communication and mutual sincerity and attentiveness. But even before we first wrote to each other on social media, it was clear to me that we had no common future. Gradually our relationship ended and we parted.
And what I want to say: I, the person who is ready to overcome the short-term desires for the sake of the long-term purposes, for some reason twice entered into the doubtful relations, initially knowing that they will end.
But most of us want our love to last a lifetime, to be close to a loved one who is reliable and who will stay with us even in the most difficult times. To be near our family, which accepts us, knowing about our shortcomings. That there were those people who will support in trouble and will share our pleasure.
But the modern Western world rather destroys family values than supports them. And sometimes I'm surprised to find myself making decisions that don't fit my true inner urges.
So, now, at the end of the year, I summarize and thank life for all the experience that I have gained! I thank these two men I broke up with for being in my life. I wish them happiness!
And I also want to listen more to my real aspirations, to hear myself better. I only want to go where I really choose to go. And with those people with whom we have common values and goals.
Thank you for listening to me, I'm relieved. Do you have something in your life that you would like to be cleansed of?
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