After two years of literal blood sweat and tears, I start my new job tomorrow! (prayers, good vibes whispers to the mother universe are all welcome). It's exactly what I was looking for the whole time: the unicorn job. Either jobs like this get swept up 5 minutes before posting on recruitment sites or they don't meet MY criteria. And despite being desperate for work, I have realized that my needs are important and I need to put myself 1st.
I can only work half day - due mostly to my injury, but also so I can be here when the kids get home. As a kid, I think it's important to have a parent, someone who makes you feel safe, at home when you come back from school. It's an opportunity Zak and I never had... and despite our flaws, it is our mission to be better parents and provide an emotionally safer home environment that what we experienced so that our children can feel stable and inspired enough to excel at their schoolwork.
Acceptance of my physical condition. I cannot run or carry heavy loads, I can't do stairs (at least not if I'm running up and down them all day) and my agility is ... compromised: otherwise I would have nailed a management position in hospitality years ago.
Appreciation of my unique skillset from hospitality, to property management, medical to retail. I have so much to offer, but no one has given me a chance. I think they take one look at my knee braces and define me by them, which, even if they don't mean or realize it, makes them throw me to the back of the pile. It is a liability to take me on and I understand that.
Room for growth: although this is technically a two week temp position, I can see, there have been many signs) that the boss and the company want me to succeed and become permanent.
Room for growth and the understanding of the importance of investing in the growth and further education of employees.
So, start tomorrow, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I know it's normal, but there is more at stake than a usual 1st day.
Worries and concerns:
My success directly impacts
and his career and he has spend over a decade growing and moving up the ladder. I hope to support that.
Office politics, new staff , a new change of command and a new boss. I can't afford to let any of this get to me. All need to do is put my head down and concentrate on the task at hand. How I perform in the next two weeks is vital to my success and actually being taken on as a permanent employee.
Pain management, seep, anxiety and my mental health. I'll have to restructure the way I have been taking my meds. I normally take them 1st thing in the morning (sometimes that is at 2h30 n the morning, thanks to insomnia. I don't want to be hazy at work but I want to effectively manage my pain so that I can perform at my best. I'll also need to move my nap time around. It's a whole new rhythm that my body and mind will need to adapt to.
This is my first job in almost exactly two years. On the one hand, it means I want be bringing my previous work drama into my new job as I have had plenty of time to heal. On the other, It's been a month since my mental health declined to the point where I had a psychotic episode.
I hope this new venture provides me with the many things that led to me reaching rock bottom. I hope this opportunity will help me to rebuild my self-worth. I hate being broke. Everyone does. But it has meant being unable to support my own medical expenses, making sure Matthew has the right uniform, and contributing to our household. Christmas is right around the corner and the timing could not have been better. Christmas in this house is vitally important: to Zak and I and the kids. Making it magical and special is something my mom taught us. Celebrating birthdays, special holidays like Easter and even Pride Month, show my family that I care and getting everyone involved makes us grow closer together - which is where the real magic is. It does cost money though, and money doesn't fall out of the sky.
Taking the weight off Zak: who has been carrying us completely on his own, financially and emotionally which has made me feel like a terrible partner and an awful example to the children.
Rebuilding my finances and getting back to a point where I can settle my bad debts and clear my credit record, so that Zak and I can start dreaming again.
So yes, tomorrow is the beginning of something I've been searching for since my retrenchment and chance of a new beginning.
After posting this, today, I will rest, in my sexy new pink pajamas (thanks babe 🥰) and then later on I will pamper myself, do my nails and my hair and prepare my outfit for my first day and do a bit of sewing and fixing some little minor issues with my other pretty office- wear.
Tomorrow is a new day, and as scared as I am, God knows I am grateful. 💙💗💜🤍🖤💞💛💚🙏🥰